The Uncertainty Principle

Realization

2011-12-30T08:19:00.003+03:00

Creation is never a personal phenomenon it is always spontaneous. Creation is always from the nuomenon where the consciousness is not conscious of itself. The words have meaning only to the reader and even when the reading happens the words are manifest in the consciousness and disappear serving its intended purpose cognizable as a phenomenon. The background or the screen in which all this happens is the being which unequivocally states “I AM”. The being drives the chemistry to propel it to be healthy and at the same time the chemistry determines the being. Cognition is taking place on the grounds of consciousness feeding out of all the memories and bodily perception. Memories not only consist of verbal ones but non verbal also. Ego arises when the being identifies ownership to phenomenon of cognition the very phenomenon altering the body chemistry of the process. The identification of ownership is really a fallacy as the totality of cognition is not fully understood by the being. Any cognition is a spontaneous phenomenon and when it is not identified as such? The very symptom of the manifestation of the Ego self. This is the result of the phenomenon wherein the consciousness is conscious of itself.

Realization is the understanding within the consciousness about the fallacy of identification of “I AM” with all the cognition that is arising in consciousness. That the Ego self is really a concept cognizable in consciousness. The understanding that the very “I AM” is really a phenomenon that starts when the brain enters the waking state from deep sleep state. This realization has a ripple effect on the nature of cognition that is taking place in consciousness. The cognition starts becoming unfettered complete even though the cognition is only about watering the plants. Thinking as a result starts getting more clearer. The question of purpose doesn’t arise, benefits become meaningless because there is no experience-r in the cognition. You call them selfless. True there is no self in the normal sense of the world. Is being selfless a phenomenon, it is not, there are only phenomenon of cognition taking place with no sense of self. Does the identification with the name seize? Identification is only a phenomenon and this too takes place with no sense of self, so who identifies whom? Realization is only an understanding and not a cognitive phenomenon, the understanding is in the totality of the entire cognitive process those that are manifest and those that are not.

The body mind with realization becomes the screen on which the whole of the consciousness plays unfettered. The body mind becomes the stage however the stage doesn’t make any claim on the play whatsoever. This is something that cannot be fathomed by concepts because it in itself is not a phenomenon. This is a state of total surrender to the consciousness and what remains is only total fidelity to this consciousness which in advaita traditions is referred to as Bhakti.

Mind

2011-12-29T07:53:00.000+03:00

Mind is a great tool in answering questions about any phenomenon in the world. If you want to understand the gravity there are Newton’s laws, want to understand universe the big bang theory, want to understand matter you have the Quantum theory. The conceptual machinery that the mind creates is based on duality- subject and the object, the observed and the observer. This breaking down or division helps in describing our day to day activities and remaining at peace however whenever the mind tries to understand itself this strategy collapses. How do you create a division between self and itself? The mind goes into a tailspin, it stutters to find the zillion conceptual contraptions to figure itself out however a doubt looms- either you are shaken in that insecurity of an awkward non-knowing and get back to the security of mundane life or are resilient enough to probe further. The mind rests in one concept today, discarding it and rests on something else tomorrow.

In the pockets of certainty that one has in the journey there is also a danger that the surety the mind ends up having over concepts palliates it and provides it with sense of security and temporal peace. This security fills one with a sense of gratitude and a pleasurable wondrous experience. Man becomes God. The concepts become dearer and dearer. So dear are the concepts that one develops an insecurity lest that the concepts be taken away. Man writes it down, archives tomes and tomes of eulogies about awe inspiring concepts, collect taxes to build temples to house those scriptures, fight wars to fend of raiders and infidels, Man consumes the whole world. Man gets into a state of insecurity that he wanted to avoid by chasing a tail that he shouldn’t have been chasing.

The mind, great tool but not good enough to conceptualize about itself with the premise of duality. When it comes to the self there is no duality. Observer is the observed, subject is the object, and there is no know-er and the unknown. This has to be obvious if one is dealing with the self. But how does one discard the tool that has seemingly served one so well. Man is so attached with the mind. Man has identified with the mind so intimately; whatever the mind thinks man owns it without question. Man is in love with his most beloved tool- the mind, and all the conceptual contraptions. It is love, the identification of the self with the mind that “I AM”. This is the pinch that holds the self with the world. Is it? Would there be a world if that “I AM” dissolves, would “I AM” be when the world is naught? Would there be light without the Sun and Sun without the light? Isn’t the answer obvious?

Final Journey

2011-11-11T07:47:00.002+03:00

Final Journey was a letter I wrote to my KVIIT group following the demise of a dear friend Flying Officer Ronald Kevin Serrao. This was one experience that is a reminder as how important a soldier's life is, as a husband, brother and a son.

22 January 2007

Hi All,

Our dear friend Ronald Kevin Serrao has been laid to rest. May his soul Rest In Peace

I have not known Kevin as well as many of you guys but it does not take much to understand that Kevin loved whatever was optimistic and loved to live a dream and he lived and would continue to live.

The day I heard of the news, I was shocked as all of you and the restlessness within me made me make the trip to Mangalore to seek some sense behind the insanity. Being a single guy with no strings attached and with some element of luck I could make it. Thanks to Vaishu I was able to get the contact number of Gregory Serao (Uncle of Ronnie) and he was gracious to let me know that I could contact him any time no matter how ungodly the time was.

I picked the KSRTC Bus tickets in the evening of 19th and shot of to the Bus station at 2300 hrs to head for Mangalore. I reached Managlore in the Morning at 0700 hrs and got in touch with Gregory and Shelton (Kevin's Cousin). They took me to Kevin's Home (The Nest) where I met John Serao who greeted with a true Army Man handshake. Strong as he wanted to let me know, he broke down immediately when I told him what Kevin ment to all you guys and described him as an "Ace". Inconsolable and at a loss of words he stared away at the Times India Front Page with the story of Kevin's crash, looked at the photograph of Kevin being decorated with a medal . He clutched the paper to his heart as if to replace the ireplacable, a part of himself - Ronald Kevin Serao, a loving son and a gallant soldier.

I sat there sorry at myself for making his dad cry. I was seated next to his dad. He stared at the photograph of Kevin on the Bike in front of his aircraft. He said, "There is the plane that took him along with itself". I was moved and almost had tears well up but I distracted myself thinking of the days at school, the class skit, the debate, and the last time I met him- at Tezpur, Assam where he was posted then. Kevin's Mom was unwell and she had come to the living room (where we were all seated). She had exhausted her tears an was clearly not herself. Other family memebers coaxed them to have some breakfast and thanks to the good lord, they did.

It was around 0830 hrs in the morning (20 January) that I took leave of the Seraos and headed for the room guest house that Gregory had arranged for and I slept.

I woke up freshened and got the call from Vinod that I was waiting for to head to the Seraos once again. It was 1230 hrs in the morning and people started gathering at the Serao's residence (The Nest). The body had not arrived by then and we were all waiting. From this time on I had lost the notion of time.

The body had arrived in a coffin draped in Air Force flag with deepika in front (in uniform) and his squandron members carrying the coffin on their shoulders. They made the slow march into the Serrao's residence with the crowd behind them. The body was placed and people kept coming in to pay their respects- young, old almost any Manglorean who could come their and bid Ronnie- the proud son of Mangalore, farewell.

The members of the family sang prayers in English and Konkani reciting psalms from the Bible with the band members playing songs of lament. The air was solemn. Kevin's parent were stroking the coffin with their hands as parents put their little babies go to sleep.

I took a breather outside for a while as I was feeling uncomfortable taking out my camera and start snapping pictures. But then I had to, its for all you guys who were close to Kevin and wanted to be with him at the place where I was. I started to take pictures at the time when the coffin was being brought out of the "The Nest". Sadness in Kevin's Parents was palpable they were never to see their son's face for the last time through the sealed coffin. I was a little pissed off with the Air Force for that.

The body was placed in a van and the crowd processioned in two file towards the church. There was a lady (neighbour of the Seraos) who walked beside who guessed whether I was a friend of Kevin. I spoke to her about Kevin and all of the friends he had who couldn't make it. I think she already knew that.

We headed for the the Church and the whole of the assembly was packed with people. The body was placed at the altar with the nearest members of the family seated in front followed by the representative Kevin's squandron members and the 3 wings of the armed forces, followed by the multitude of people-friends, well wishers and even strangers. The service started with the priests trying to make sense of it all quoting the Bible, singing psalms and narrating parables. Frankly it did help. The formal education that we all have had tells us to be sceptical about everything and try use logic to answer all our problems. Death is an Exception. As the priest said - Death is a leveler.

One parable that was narrated stayed in my mind.

Once there lived a Gardner who loved his flowers, he was particularly fond of a plant and he would go about giving special attention to - day in and day out. One day the plant had vanished from the garden and he was very upset, he searched and searched and it was never to be found. Then he realised that the plant had been taken by the owner of the garden and the owner placed it close to himself in his home.

The purport is that the Gardner never owned the garden and he had no right over the flowers that blossomed in it. Similarly we have no right over anything in this world, its God's World and it his choice that governs whatever happens.

The service ended and the coffin was taken for burial. The whole congregation followed towards the graveyard. At pessimistic estimates there were about 2500 people gathered at the graveyard to witness the rites.

21 gun salute was given by the Police

I could somehow manage to pour soil over Ronnie's final resting place.

I extended my condolences to all the family members who were outside the graveyard and most moved by Ronnie's mother (Jessica Serao). Though she saw in the morning I did not realise that she could register who I was. When I was about to extended telling her that I was classmate of Ronnie at school my condolence she hugged me, She was a Mother in pain.

I was empty, beat, I met Gregory Serao and he extended an invitation to diner at "The Nest".

More prayer meetings happened at the place and the dinner served. I had not met Deepika to extend my condolences to Deepika (Wife of Kevin) throughout the day and I wished I could before I left. She was very strong and an epitome of dignity and strength throughout the whole day. Just I was about to leave I requested Gregory, if its not too much, to speak to Deepika. He was very kind to let me speak to Deepika at the very difficult moment with all the tire and stress taking its toll on the family memebers. I finally spoke to her and I was glad that I could extend my condolences and on behalf of all you guys.

With that I left for the Bus Station to head back to Bangalore.

To all of you guys who were very close to Kevin....who wanted to be there but could not, as I was speaking to Vaishu yesterday ....it is important that all of you guys make a trip to Mangalore an extend your support to Kevin's family. They need a lot of support from their well wishers to negotiate this tough phase in life and I know it would make Ronnie Happy indeed. Do not feel bad that you could not meet Ronnie in his final journey, you guys would do a greater good in helping his family come out from the loss and help them be happy again.

For me it has been a very moving experience. I feel that I should have made an effort to know Ronnie more than what I knew about him. And I guess may be that is why I was in Manglore, for the last opportunity to know him, and I guess I did

All the very best to all you guys, live a good life

Kaustav

P.S: Give me sometime, on a worse case, I would get upload the photgraph from my side by this weekend.

Health- Make it Count

2011-05-05T09:23:00.001+03:00

When I opened the glass door to the balcony this morning I felt the energy of the new morning hit me like a wave on the sea shore. The energy of the Sun energizing the lives- eagles, birds, stray dogs, the bamboos, large trees, people taking a walk, energizing the very air I breathe and the very energy that I can touch, inhale, see, hear and feel. The Earth, slumber of the night wakes up to the morning Sun, a love story that spans the whole of our existence. Sun the provider of the energy propels our daily lives and we work and exist in a perpetual serendipity – such a beauty and a mystery called Life.

No wonder Sun has been the centre of many of our ancient religions and eulogies are endless and I am not competent enough to say more. But whatever said and done Sun is still the manifestation of Energy, without getting into scientific terminology that we associate all and sundry that would take away the intimacy we share with the meaning of that Star in our daily lives. We just know we don’t need say more. The energy chooses to travel for 8 minutes from its source energizing the earth with its climate and life on it. This energy pervades everything, bedrock of any action or inaction, animate or in-animate, our very lives. The bedrock of the millions of years of evolution of all of us. Philosophy, Science, Religion all have wanted to pin this very energy down giving it dimensions, shapes, models ultimately evolving into super human manifestations the so called God. No matter how hard, or painstaking effort went into the designs of this all-mighty, all that was eventually left behind are towers of Babel, lives ostracized, crucified, wars, bloodshed, books fomenting revolutions. Whether the designs affirm the almighty or denies it, no matter what has been done it has only added to the mischief.

All said our daily existence is not a theory. We may not know our body, our brains, and not knowing how to figure it out. Invariably we expect somebody else to do it for us, we fear straying away, making a mistake, afraid, scared and all the while we are running out of options, the world continues to change tick-tock, tick-tock… As Pink Floyd’s Time goes

“…And then one day you find
Ten Year’s have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun”

Our ambitions, dreams, expectations, peer pressures, politics, and complexes and with all these we are to walk. All this is paid for by our health. Health, a word that talks of about the well being of our body. Health, the provider for the entire endeavor we are to embark upon, whether we really know or do not know the reason behind them is immaterial. Health- The manifestation of the energy that this beautiful being seems to represent. The bedrock of this health is the balance that body and mind has in a mysterious way to channel the energy to invest in things we do. We are not sensitive about the impact some thought, habit has on our health and are sensitive to some others. We may or may not be fully prepared to some things before it hits us hard. We remember such experiences and end up becoming wiser if we learn. What seems true today need not be so tomorrow. Our perception changes with experience, it is more dynamic than we would normally admit. It can pick up any stray thought and affirm it for both good and bad. Thermodynamics would refer to this as entropy or as Aristotle maintained pure reason is a fallacy. So then we wonder what is to be done.

For 60 plus years J.Krishnamurti had a very simple message- Question, question everything. It makes so much sense because questioning is a means with which we explore the world- ourselves and that around us. We may have to be ready to take our definite ideas to dumps and acquire new ones or go back to the dump revisit the ideas that were thrown. Better to be humble for the simple reason that Ego comes in the way of learning. In the end we don't know. It is not our choice to make of what is to happen. We are sailors on the sail boat waiting for the right wind to take us forward- our job is to get the boat ready and wait. Our beliefs in the grand scheme of things may mean nothing- Questioning our thoughts, our beliefs everything, no exceptions, even questioning the act of questioning. Only after carefully sifting through the silt on the river bed would we chance upon that nugget worth more than gold.

We need to get this equipment the body and the mind in pristine order in order to navigate our lives. The body questions its constitution through exercise and the mind questions its assumptions through observation. In this exercise and observation the body stumbles upon wisdom that makes living worthwhile. There is no one way to do but somehow geniuses are born to demonstrate it to us that there is really many ways, techniques, or make us question our own ways or perhaps a way of no-way. Perhaps this is the course correction that the entire human organism constituting every individual mysteriously takes in order to make sure that the entire species is on the path of sustenance- cycle of balanced birth and death, making sure that the species does not die out or some such theory. Though fantastic it after all is a mere interpretation. We take seconds to swath through millions of years of existence; we are bound to go wrong. The body and the mind must unite becoming one before we get to see a more accurate picture. As the Musketeers would call "All for one and one for all".

All said and done the Sun rises every day; the life wakes up every day, does its day's work and goes to sleep. In so doing the various species live and by design or accident cooperate or at least it, seem to. Humans are albeit connected but somehow the prevailing perceptions have taken us away from the grand balance. Until we course correct and get to where we should be the pursuit will be on, if we disregard this movement evolution catches up on us. The body cannot hog the carbs and dwell in inactivity for soon the mind gets heads straight to bad habits, negative attitudes, depression and the body en route to manifest symptoms of the so called lifestyle diseases. The fall is precipitous each bad habit, physical or mental affirms itself more and more and we pay the price with our health. It not only affects the individual but all those near and dear. Our health is like a spinning top, the spin will sustain the balance until the momentum wanes, wobbling starts and then sudden abrupt end. One doesn't have to start on the road to enlightenment for world peace. The charity can begin at home where the chores have to be done without getting bogged down. One can begin with simple problems before going for the question of all questions. But first the health, without which everything else is naught.

We have not made things any easier for us. There are opinions, perceptions and stereotypes that we need to break free from- 6-8 pack abs, zero figure, health products, latest and greatest training regimes (we don’t get tired of them, do we?). Although sometimes even a mindless action movie can throw nuggets of wisdom

"Assumption is the mother of all f*** ups"
- Under Siege Part 2: Dark Territory

We have to fight out lethargy, inaction and host of other problems, it can be excruciatingly frustrating. Even all the motivating stories of our heroes may not be helping. It is a challenge that takes courage, sincerity and resolve to confront our fears and hang ups. One may not have answers, religions may be of no help only thing perhaps one would do is to wager for hope. Only thing that will perhaps cushion the blows would be one's health as Lao Tse in his life’s work Dao De Jing put

"...The wise therefore rule by emptying
hearts and stuffing bellies, by
weakening ambitions and
strengthening bones."

And when we do surmount the difficulties there can only be relief and the sense gratefulness of taking care of one's self holistically. By whatever means, we need the very energy that we choose to eulogize or otherwise. From where, how, how come, that is only a way to paralyzing one's intellect. In the meanwhile let me enjoy the morning just for what it is.

-Kaustav

Rooted = Relaxed = Tai Chi Chuan Notes

2010-11-18T12:15:00.001+03:00

These are part of the elaborated notes about Tai Chi Chuan (Mandarin) or Taijiquan (cantonese) Training that I am perenially working upon. The exercise is an effort towards improving my own clarity on the subject and to make it clearer for my students.

Rootedness- The Yang
Level-1 and Level-2 are the first two courses dealing with the empty hand forms. These levels address the root of the whole problem of ill health- weak foundation. If you are building a huge skyscraper bulk of the time is spent laying and building the foundation. Stronger the foundation quicker will you start scrapping the sky. The bulk of these forms get into building the thigh and calf muscle. With the 2010 retreat and with many classes with Sifu and with regular practice all of you are quite aware about the benefits of the additional set of hearts you get. For those who are new this warrants an explanation. A strong and thigh and calf muscle help in pumping the blood, in addition to the heart, whenever these muscle get squeezed when walking or when doing Tai Chi. The fluid movement of Tai Chi forms results in these muscle to get tightened and relaxed at an even pace. The result is that the heart muscle can now have much better performance as the cardiac muscle will see less of a load. As the liver is on the right side of the body the Tai Chi 85 forms is right side dominant and liver being the organ that purifies blood. The right thigh creates an immediate blood pressure into the liver when it tightens and sucks out blood from it when it relaxes. This quickens the pace of blood purification. This perhaps is the reason behind the expression “additional heart”.

Rootedness is also very important in order to execute the technique with martial intent. Unless one is stable defense, counter-attack or offense will not be efficient. Rootedness is also very important for speed. This is quite counter-intuitive. But it is quite simple unless one is rooted the weight transition during movement will not be efficient, inefficient weight transition results in waste of time in the actual movement as the body is too bothered about the balance. Rootedness gives simplicity to the movement without simplicity there is no speed and with no speed one is dead meat if you aspire to be a martial artist. You thought Tai Chi is slow- you have not been paying attention to the push hands video of Grand Master Fu Sheng Yuan or his “Cannon Shot” FaJing. A clarification is needed here rootedness is not the only pre-requisite it just one of the pre-requisites.

Relaxation- The Yin
We talk of Level-1 and Level-2 again. In addressing the lower body you must address the upper body as well. In performing the forms for better rootedness the upper body needs to relax more and more. Stiff upper body automatically means clumsy and robotic balancing act. An explanation in Physics is warranted here for the skeptics. Relaxed upper body means shoulders dropped chest settled there is a natural convex curve on the upper back, spine relaxed but straight. What this gives you is lower centre of gravity over and above what you have with the low squat. The muscles of the arms relaxed and not otherwise straining the blood flow in the arteries and the veins making the blood circulation system of the human body super fast and super efficient. Super efficient circulation system means sensitive central nervous system. Sensitive nervous system means more feeling, more feeling means clear Yin.

For the martial artist, clear Yin means high speed thanks to relaxed muscles and sensitive nervous system.

Qi- The Yin-Yang Interplay
Without rootedness there is no relaxation because one is too bothered about balance and without relaxation there is no feeling or awareness about ones’ rootedness. The interplay of this Yin and Yang and the Yang and Yin constitutes the Qi flow. When one walks there is Qi flow- solid to empty, empty to solid, one foot to the other. Qi is right there to be felt. Simple. Tai Chi Classics states it as “the movements constitute a wave emanating from the feet, governed by the waist and manifest in your hands”. Every movement can be viewed as the interplay between the solid and the empty. The transition from one to other has to be spontaneous rather than labored. It is this spontaneity that contributes to speed- as fast as the speed of thought. When one is in harmony between these seemingly irreconcilable forces, one is with the Tao. I just made the entire thing too mystical, the culprit being the language. When one practices one should see to it that there is clear distinction between the solid and the empty, clear Yang and clear Yin and there is no way one can achieve it unless there is Diligence, Perseverance, Sincerity and Respect- Words of GrandMaster Fu Zhong Wen, Motto of our federation and our academy.

Simply stated a good round of daily and regular practice, practice with the correct technique and constantly studying the movements are what is required to attain excellence or Kung Fu (GongFu). Without correct technique the body will be prone to injury. Injury means loss of practice; with loss of practice one is so much further away from progress. It does not matter how quickly one has learnt a form what matters is how correctly one has learnt it. Memory is funny. We forget. We may feel good getting right one time but one needs to go through the same grind all over again. It does not matter how much time you have given to Tai Chi what matters is how much time have you given to Tai Chi practicing with the correct technique. Hound your instructors do not make it any easier for them, question them ask them why. This will prompt them to ask questions to Sifu helping him manage centers across India more effectively and you learning and benefiting lot more. Observe Sifu carefully and keep your senses open and alert when he visits your centre. Tai Chi is not an ornament embellishing a practitioner. One may feel good by showing it off. Fact is that is hidden but yet it is right there for everyone to see. Once Bruce Lee was not satisfied with his technique, this bothered his student who asked him that he was already super fast, to which Bruce Lee answered “There are people who are lot more faster than me, what I need to work upon is deception”. It never ends.

Pointers to Good practice
Make sure the following points are met starting with the lower body proceeding to the upper body

1. Soles of the feet MUST be evenly solid whatever is carrying the bulk weight- heel should not dominate over toe and vice versa

2. Knees MUST be pointing in the direction of the respective toes

3. Cut back on the rotation hip to ensure that there is no undue torsion on the knee especially during Wave Hands like Moving Clouds. Use the knee to open like the Stork Dance exercise for executing turns during “single whip”, “fair lady works shuttles” and kicks.

4. Use the waist to turn the upper body not the hip- This ensures that there is sufficient exercise for the spine and the back muscle

5. Spine straight but relaxed

6. Be aware the of the weight distribution of the soles of the feet, make sure it is even and solid, this is especially true when making the kicks clear and effective.

7. For effective kicks the upper body has to relax, emphasis on the knee first then the heel or the toe.

8. Head is erect, gaze forward, relax your neck and shoulder

9. Focus yet relax (being in the moment), make sure the weight transition is continuous and clear- Clear Yin and Clear Yang

10. When unsure question the instructor and clarify. Observe Sifu and ask questions.

Weapons
Weapons are for the exercise of the upper body. But unless one is sufficiently rooted the expression of the Power (Jing) either subtle (Tin-Jing) or obvious (FaJing) will not be efficient. In my personal experience with the correct pace you really feel the upper body working out with Sword more so with the Saber. Ones awareness about rootedness grows, with practice and refinement of the 85 forms, the rootedness reflects in the Sword and Saber. For those practicing weapons try doing your 85 forms before and after the weapons forms. In my experience after a round of 85 and then the Sword and Saber the body works like high performance luxury car, 85 forms after that gets lot more accurate one can feel the sensitivity of the entire body. For progress in Yang Tai Chi weapons is important. It is a litmus test of how good your empty hand forms are. The sensitivity developed in the hands becomes important when practicing push hands. As Grand Master says- “Weapons no good, Forms no good. Weapons good, Forms good”.

Push Hands
With the sensitivity developed in the upper body with weapons practice you now get to using this added sense of awareness in understanding another person during push hands- How is he directing a force towards you? How good is yours and your partner’s balance? How good are your forms? Are you fluid when you sense the force? Are you aware of your rootedness when your force is evaded? Push hands is very important for a Martial Understanding of your body and your partner’s. Without constant observation of force and balance in push hands the martial aspects of Tai Chi will not be clear. Push Hands works the entire body and the body has to respond with clear Yang and clear Yin.

FaJing
When the upper body has sufficient sensitivity (acquired after diligent and regular practice) FaJing is important to progress in the study of Martial Aspects of Tai Chi. The controlled yet explosive expression of Power without well warmed up body and incorrect technique can be disastrous. By the time one is ready for the FaJing the muscles of the upper body have to be sufficiently strong. Without the training in FaJing one cannot attain the speed necessary to apply many of the forms in self defense. One has to be technically proficient in Tai Chi forms to sustain the forces that the muscles of the body need to endure. The muscle will have to be completely relaxed and the mind completely in the “now” before the pulse of power travels through it to the fist, palm, forearm, elbow, shoulder, knee, heel or toe.

Marshaling an Army
In my experience with Tai Chi practice taking the body through the rigor of daily practice requires one to have a good discipline akin to the managing an army. Your feet are your foot soldiers. They must be agile with a good weight transition and should be able entrench themselves in the terrain with a good rooted stance. The knees are there captains always in sync caring for his subordinates by pointing in the same direction. The hip is the Major of an infantry division effectively in sync with his captain by not turning to twist them and bringing them in harm’s way. So far then hierarchy is linear. The orders are straight no room for interpretation.

The waist is the Commander- imaginative, creative and always aware, straight as the major, captains and foot soldiers yet cunning and shrewd as his superiors. The shoulder is the Major of the Paratrooper/Commando division. He has little room to maneuver and has to use guile to cause the damage, the elbow is subtle but a devastating sniper waiting for the opportune moment to sting. The hands the commando, enters the enemy territory evading capture and accomplish the mission with devastating consequences.

The Head is the centre of the military intelligence, Eyes and Ears the spies. Always watchful and subvert any malicious intent of the enemy before an actual confrontation. The principles of operation are deception, subversion resorting to anything and everything to ensure a successful mission.

The Mind, the Monarchy in whom the entire well being of the human body both moral and physical is entrusted. The potential of all degradation or emancipation of human life is here. Ok human body does not look like an army it is the entire country. More the individuals of a country are healthy, healthier the entire country becomes.

Gond and I Row the Boat Gently down the stream...

2010-05-06T12:42:00.002+03:00

2010, Tata Steel and Vedanta group, gang up with the Government of India to fight the indigenous Gonds in Dandakaranya forest- Arundati Roy's essay "Walking with the Comrades" on her experience with the "People's Army". Feels straight out of the James Cameron Masterpiece the Avatar(2009) script, the story set in 2154 in the distant planet the Pandora, Human Greed takes us on a mission to obliterate the Alien Bio-Diversity to obtain the un-obtainium, only to confront the indigenous Na'avi. Life imitating Art?

The GEO India May issue on the Economics of Bio-Diversity- All throughout the history we have taken Nature for Granted. The notion of value is nothing more than ability to profit, how do we measure this? The value that Nature gives is considered free- a premise that no longer is true. What if we acknowledge their value?

Our country obsessed with IPL, Bollywood and sensationalist media.

Thanks to Kingfisher, I now know that there is a security threat "perception" at the Bengaluru International airport. Sorry Kingfisher, I couldn't avail your 5 Star services, I postponed the flight to the next day, to Jet Connect, because of the security threat perception in my Rini's mind. Not that the Choice of Jet Connect had anything to do with it, I would have chosen Kingfisher non-stop but for the departure time. Jet doesn't bother me to message and hence the "ALL GO" from Rini. No wonder, 5 in the morning and there is a serpentine blockade for the taxis to pass scanned by the cautious eyes of armed to tooth CISF commandos, extra vigilant CISF officers at the Departure Entrance reading every detail of the E-ticket and the ID so much scrutiny that my in-animate ID card should feel nervous and have a cardiac arrest. The announcement over the PA System- "Your Security is important to us, please report any suspicious un-attended article or suspicious BEHAVIOR, to the nearest security personnel". There would have been all those Ninjutsu like commando officers dropping out of thin air and I will be on the mat lest I cry out BOMB.The Big Congestion in Security Check, the officers peering through the screen during the baggage scan flagging every suspicious consignment. The contraband of Edible Oil, Rice and Dal was caught and the culprit a 5ft tall frail looking gentleman who was clueless, a security threat indeed. I didn't know that they can be used as a weapon other than giving the un-suspecting victim a stomach upset. Today even the ordinarily compliant citizenry feels the pinch. But hey they don't run helter-skelter, they are non-violent swallowing the violence in the land of the non-violent Mahatma. Well actually its a breeze, we have been to trained by the 12+ years of "education" to make it through any security gate, we comply, we don't feel that it is a humiliation, we feel proud that we are contributing to the security of an airport.

The Gonds, the tribal of Dandakaranya, do not have the luxury of the 12+ years of education. The 12+ years of conditioning in -patriotism, compliance, subservience, playing safe, never innovating, sustaining personal contradictions and in-securities, never questioning. The Gonds question the rationale behind the forest department's evictions, Government's support to the ambitions of the Mining companies, and the Salwa Judum. Salwa Judum is the Indian version of the Jewish Ghettoing perpetrated by the Nazis. But as with Indians its never original. Taken straight out of General Harold Rawdon Briggs journals from his experience in Malaya. Experience of the General of the Raj. Raj in India is never forgotten I guess. Salwa Judum perpetrated on the Gonds whose Haemoglobin count is between 5 or 7 (12-16 normal woman) and in whose infants suffer from Kwashiorkor. I remember by-hearting the disease names like Kala-Azar, Kwashiorkar and the rest of the gang for my Science tests in 8th Standard (read Grade if you are from the American System), but thats as far as I got to understanding the significance of the human condition. The entire media machinery and our Home Ministry and the Prime Minister calling them the "Gravest Security Threat to the Nation". There is even a debate about taking the services from the Airforce.

I belong to the Indian middle class obsessed with the IPL, with Katrina Kaif, Pakistan Battering, keeping mum on Tibet, salivating on the "Development" for it means some more money in my Bank Account. My entire education enabled me to have a cushy job in a cushy MNC. I have plans for my self, cars, apartments, digital gadgets and the usual laundry list. I don't bother about what happens in the place where I live, I am clueless about my neighbors, I don't involve myself in the community. I crib about the central and the state Government, I jump the traffic light and honk the ears of the hapless mercilessly in the mean city streets of Bangalore and tail gate and yet I criticize the apathy of the people about civic issues, and complain of bad traffic sense and absolve myself. Thats me the Indian middle class with contradictions galore.

Contradictions. Thats the sum total of my 29 years of conscious existence. Contradictions, blind as a bat to facts and tap dancing to the jingoism- add a lit bit of Sex and it becomes Hip-Hop. The Gonds on the other hand are not so blind, of course when you are on the sniper's cross hair, and your girl friend or wife gets raped you would even start having the ability to see in the dark. To bad odds are too stacked against the "Operation Green Hunt Hush Hush" personnel and don't worry there is a special consignment of Israeli night vision goggles heading their way. That should even things out. Contradictions, it takes 74 lives to be ambushed and their lives snuffed out to understand that the strategy of countering the Maos is flawed. Too bad we did not send the UAVs/Drones over the hungry and the weak for reconnaissance. Contradictions, between the cliched Devil and the cliched deep blue sea. The Gonds caught in the "Dharma Sankat" between the Indian Government and the Maoists, only that the Maoists are more benign for now. Arundati would disagree with my denotation "Benign" and would rather "Messiah". At the end of it all hope the Gonds have a blue throat as Shiva in this churning of the Dandakaranya forest by the Government (read mining lobby) and the Maos usurping all the universal wisdom in the process, the essence of it all.

All I can care for right now is to wait for the boarding call. There was a time when Bhagat Singh could wake up the British to the revolution by a smoke bomb. Today even the dastardly act of be-heading is not enough. I am still slumbering in the sweet lullabies of the Bollywood Songs, the drumbeats of IPL, the 24X7 News media, tweeting twitter and my facebook account. I don't research the genetic diversity of Indian flora-fauna to make a compelling case against industrial farming. Understand the damage of Big Hydel projects as Medha Patkar does. I do not dive to the depths to make a case against trade of Nautilus as Andy Dunston does through his 12 years of research. I do not value Nature as demonstrated in the May issue of the GEO magazine

"Nature maintains its value, like a factory that constantly renews itself"
-Dr Andreas Webber, Biologist and Philosopher, GEO Magazine

Making changes to the accounting practice taking the value Nature brings in consideration in formulating Economic measures would have perhaps saved Aral Sea, the once largest inland sea during the 1960s but today its a lake split in two, thanks to diverting the rivers into irrigation canals, for un-sustainable farming and profit and today profit from farming is impossible there. Funny I learnt about the Water Cycle in the 3rd standard I remember the river water heading into the ocean. I am curious to ask the impact of cutting of the river water to a 3rd Standard kid. What the kid learns today in our schools does it have a scientific footing in reality and not rely on half science and hearsays?

As my friend once said

"The only solution to this Maoist problem is total elimination. We need a solution now."

I belong to this crowd that takes short cuts and guesses and little or no statistical study to question, understand and to have an insight. Why bother? Nuke those naked , poor and already starving bastards. Aristotle, Socrates, Plato all stressed to observe facts and question the premise. If theory does not observe with facts question the theory. But some how I learnt to question facts and abide by my premise.

Oh Ya I forgot we work on deadlines. Ladies and Gentlemen the Western concept of progress- Progress Works on Deadlines my friend. If you can't give deadline then what the hell did you get all the degrees and experience for. Ya, we were evolved through millions of years for nothing and Nature is stupid and an idiot. Man is intelligent. Yes, intelligent enough to ignore facts and work out of "Systems" that was to give clean answers to clean problems, only problems is that there is no clean problem, so can we expect a clean answer? Nature is Stupid enough to design Honey Bees- not only they provide honey for "free" but also play a role as pollinators of flowering plants, fruits, vegetables and oil bearing plants. What a Moron!

I :We need factories, we need steel plants, and we need a Dam built in 6 months. It is so simple, it will give jobs, it will keep the people happy so what it the problem?

Me: At what price? To loose a strain of wild rise that is only found in the valley to be flooded that is resistant to a new virus. If we crossbreed this strain with other strains then will perhaps help in providing food security to the people also providing a way for the tribals to sustain themselves by catering to the demand for this strain.

Myself: Nah, can't wait, build the God Damn Dam in 6 Months.

Told you. We cannot fathom the Stupidity of Nature to do things in its own sweet time, we need a deadline.

On the other hand the pockets where communists still rule the roost seem to have a solution - remove the only reason for all human evils, wealth, distribute it equally to everybody. A premise held dear, though statistically flawed given Soviet, North Korea, West Bengal and Kerela. All this premise gives in the minds of its practitioners is lethargy, laziness, dreamy eyed and intellectual masturbation. Despite the facts they would never correct the premise. So what is really the reason for all human evils? Are we studying it? Diligently?

I don't do any diligent study of Nature, about my contradictions, flawed premises. Thats me an Indian, Mera Bharat Mahan. We are fanatics behind building temples, be it Hindu, or Dams- temples of Modern India, drilled into our head. As I see it for the Gonds to survive they need to get trained to function in this contradiction. I have spent practically my entire life to be trained in the circus to be tax a paying citizen of India. They chose to be trained by the CPI(ML).

Be as it may, Gonds and I are in the same boat living an illusion, like trained parrots singing praise of our respective ilk. Only that they have to plan for the next rendezvous or ambush and I have to catch my plane, like a trained circus animal- "This is the Boarding Call for all passengers travelling Jet Airways flight 9W2357..."

101 tips to survive a marriage, 1-10

2010-05-04T16:27:00.000+03:00

This will be a series till the number 101 is reached. I am definitely sure that many will agree that surviving a marriage is no mean thing. This article is dedicated to my wife, soulmate Rini. Rini always wonders why I don't think more about her. It took her every sweat to prepare those bhajjis for me to elicit a blog entry Bhajji on Bliss, a Guest appearance in Elvis Karmapa and illusion 2.0 and no where to be found in Discovering Ones Self the Tai Chi Way or Retreat Diaries. She wonders do I think about her?...I do and I would share the wisdom for your benefit.

This is dedicated to her. Now I present my accumulated wisdom for you folks.

The First 10.

1. You can never know a Woman's mind neither a Woman know yours.

-Gentlemen, be on your toes always, never make an opinion about your partner. Your job is to listen to your partner carefully and in so doing you may or may not annoy her but do not bother, pay attention, go with what you know to what she is saying. Learn. Study hard. Do not bring in your prejudices and your opinions they do not have any place in a relationship. Acknowledge your mistake. Be careful about making promises because you may have to meet them. Surviving a marriage is about being in harmony, going with the flow, the minute you think you know about your partner, BOOM, its gone your ship has sunk. Keep learning something new every time, your relationship will be fresh, knowledge will only make things stale. Don't rely on a movie or rock star or Romantic Movies to tell you what love and relationship is all about. Nor any of those novels or philosophy helps. They only complicates matters. Approach your partner with a clear head. All the very best. If you take my word its a wonderful roller-coaster ride- Enjoy.

2. Remember Dates atleast her Birthday and your Marriage anniversary

-Take those memory pills, go do yoga, meditate, do whatever, never forget.

3. Women have mood swings don't take it against her

-Don't make too much of an opinion about her mood. There moods will swing, approach it rationally. You might as well enjoy it. Its like surfing those treacherous waves of Hawaii. It comes and goes but be ready for another.

4. Demonstrate respect to her parents

-Don't forget her parents. Be equal in your affection between yours and hers.

5. Complement her

-Whether it makes sense or not complement. Then laugh with her.

6. Be yourself

-You do not have to be someone else and she has to learn who you really are in order to survive you. If you are a psychotic killer, wandering nomad, philosopher or a religious fanatic even then be your self find a partner that complements you else God Help You.

7. Help in house work...at least try

-I am not that much of a home improvement guy and I try not to get in Rini's way. I try and help at times it is difficult to remember the zillion details that go behind making a HOME. Appreciate this. Get of your bum and help her out. But hey do plan your quality Bum-ing Time, and remember after marriage the quality gets more important than quantity.

8. You will get on her nerves, accept it

-As Asop in one of his Fables rightly demonstrates "Familiarity Breeds Contempt". You are not going to be the Hero all the time. But there will be times when you will be, MAKE IT COUNT

9. Give Space

-Both the partners need there own space.

10. Fight and get it of your chest and forget it

-Fight tooth and nail. Get it of your chest. Do not bottle up. If it bothers so much that you are about to explode, please explode. If you had expressed yourself sooner there will never be a reason to explode in the first place.

Love, nobody can tell you what it is,...you got to find out for yourself

Elvis, Karmapa, and Illusion 2.0

2010-05-04T08:28:00.003+03:00

The sunday saw the early morning trip on my favorite Shatabdi back to the land of my Karma- Bangalore. As soon as we return we find the home sweet home a tad dirtier, according to Rini's exacting standards. We unpack put the clothes to wash, alls well until I happened to see "Fun in Acupolco (1963)" on the Telly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-yZifpgCR0

Elvis, the quintessential 1960s and still relevant Casanova. Rini goes "Who is he?" With blinks in quick succession until I explain to her. Elvis is God. Women would fall at his feet. So famous that in scenes where Elvis features that were to be shot in public they had to use a body double. Charisma, the machismo, the aura, un-paralleled even today. And the voice. And the dance. Plenty of Indian movie stars aped him from Shammi Kapoor, to Shivaji Ganesan one way or the other. Rini agreed Elvis makes your head turn.

There is this song "Margarita" copied verbatim into "Kaun Hain Jo Sapno Mein Aaya" repriced by Mohammad Rafi. Not to worry there are countless others.

He is God nonetheless but God with foibles. Much later in life, when age caught up to him, drugs, women, the usual suspects during decline, gave him a divorce, loneliness and eventual death.

That had me thinking. If you are God how do you know that you are going wrong? A man who has never gone wrong how would he ever know that he is on the right path? I am no god I have people I look up to, people making and not making mistakes and sometimes I learn from them rest of the time I learn from my own. This kind of kept me on the even keel so to speak.

The rest of the day was spent in comatose. I did not have a good sleep for about a week and slept like a baby. Come evening- the thing I detest with the core of my heart- Shopping. This time my eyes lay on this face looking right at me, observing me keenly, alert, calm, the cover page of the GEO Magazine with the cover story on Karmapa as "The New Face of Buddhism".

GEO is not to be confused with NatGeo. GEO has a German pedigree and launched recently here in India.

http://www.geo-international.de/

H.H The 17th Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje

Its quite an interesting story. Karmapa is the head of the Kagyu sect and the Dalai Lama is the head of the Gelug Sect. It is the Gelug sect that represents the political aspirations of the Tibetans. Though Chinese have had no problems with the Kagyu, as historically Kagyu is a rival sect of the Gelug, Karmapa nonetheless chose to escape the Chinese.

"Naturally then, it was a great humiliation for the Chinese government when the reincarnation jumped out of his monastery window on the evening of 28 December 1999 and escape to exile in India"- quote from GEO

H.H The 17th Karmapa with H.H The 14th Dalai Lama

The exile of Karmapa and Dalai lama have bought the rival sects more closer than ever.

Some many Births back the same Karmapa and Dalai Lama were sworn enemies. The Kagyu and the Gelug fought a bloody war to wrest control of Tibet, with help of Mongols and other clans. Buddhism was forgotten and lives were lost in a "Momentary Lapse of Reason". History is full of ironies, so is life.

The concept of re-incarnation. The story of Birth and identification of Dalai lama or that of Karmapa is nothing but fantastic. I am saying this not because whether I believe or don't believe but rather I am fascinated about the culture and the practice of the Tibetans, I am curious and skeptical but I do believe the story. There are multiple credible sources both popular and the not so popular that have narrated the same. Take for instance the Martin Scorsese Movie - "Kundan (1997)" based on the life of Dalai Lama and the Brad Pitt starrer "Seven Years in Tibet (1997)".

How did the practice come about? How did Tibetans come to believe in re-incarnation? When they test a subject for possible re-incarnation they give him a collection of old and new articles that were possessions of the Monk whose re-incarnation is being searched for. Unless the subject identifies the the articles correctly and other elements for example - the time of birth, the occurrence of rain bow at the time of birth or crow cawing on the tent where the subject was born and some such incidents hold. Fascinating. But Hey there is a actually a rival Karmapa. Somehow the top Disciples of the earlier Karmapa had a dis-agreement and each faction pushed there own Karmapa. Only the Karmapa on the cover page of Geo is recognised by the Dalai Lama.

Well images and imagery what is the truth? Truth is elusive, it sleeps through your fingers, your abstractions, your theories, your opinions, your understanding.

One interesting excerpt caught my attention

"The internet only brings an illusion of information. It also creates confusion. Often it is too much for me."- Ogyen Trinley Dorje, the "official" Karmapa.

and the other in the author's words

"A Buddha needs neither an inbox nor a Facebook profile. His medium is the face-to-face audience with his visitors"- Andreas Hilmer, Ethnologist for GEO

That I would call Illusion 2.0 and I am very much in it.

The article also discusses the political significance attributed to the Karmapa given the possible power vacuum after Dalai Lama and the intervening period when they search for the 15th Dalai Lama. Now thats politics and beyond my sphere of influence if you wanna know more, grab a copy- The GEO India, May issue. There are plenty of other interesting articles on Dentistry, Bio-Diversity, Culture and adventure, more on that later.

Discovering One's Self the Tai Chi Way

2010-05-01T13:31:00.000+03:00

This is the un-edited version of my article that was published as part of the 2010 Tai Chi Retreat Souvenier. This also kind of got me back into groove as far as writing is concerned.

(* Lei,
In nature there is always a beginning and an ending, birth and death
and the cycle goes on. Death ushering in a new birth- a larva, turning
into a Pupa into a Butterfly. This day today not only signifies the
end of a year but also a impending beginning of a new one. A new year
with the biggest event for our academy - Meeting the Grandmaster the
culmination of the years of dedication, sacrifice and an unwavering
resolve of our Sifu to take our academy to every city in the country
to add the continuity to the Yang Family's vision of inclusive and
wholesome life style to every individual and show this amazing path
that Tai Chi is. I needn't add more because words are not the thing.
Let me share or partake my journey and I hope I would get to know all
your stories when I meet you face to face at the retreat. Everybody
has seen something that enabled every individual to transform their
lives completely. This amazing and marvelous thing called the human
body and how much of it I grasp or perceive now and how my
understanding has become deeper and deeper and continue to go deeper
and deeper. Not in terms of the those ridiculously complicated and fat
Biology text books in our schools with latin names (I wonder why
describe a living entity in a language that is dead) or the beefed up
or anorexic zero sized models in our media. Not accumulating in words
and knowledge. I am talking about the understanding that we get
without words, an understanding that we have when we learn with all
heart, gut and everything in us behind it. When we learn when our mind
does not think, is alert, aware and sensitive in every practice from
opening to the closing stance when the division between mind and body
ceases and is one.

My initiation into Tai Chi was really out of restlessness. I had a
back ground in Karate and with the absence of any credible practice
for 6 years I felt guilty within me for having ashamed Bruce Lee and
not smashing every curious punk on the street who had the temerity of
crossing my path and messing with me. For looking at the finger
pointing to moon and missing this heavenly splendor*. For not
upholding the highest ideals of Budo**. All the sacrifices of Li Mubai
and Shu Lian gone in vain***. By Jove I can laugh now :)
So started my Tai Chi, I wondered then was I taught correctly? Why is
there no strength in the punches you throw? Why are the movements so
lazy? What is Qi? Yin Yang? Should I learn Aikido? Look for Karate
Sensei? However the practices moved on and Cecily (my instructor)
told me to slow down.
I did some background research. I checked Youtube videos and got to
see the grace and flexibility with which Tai Chi is practised and read
articles on the rationale behind the practice. It is believed that if
the body is relaxed and the practices is slow then the nerves get
perceptive and sensitive that contributes to speed when the actual
movement takes place in the heat of a conflict. This sensitivity and
awareness of every nerve impulse is what is continuosly sharpened
until the practitioner becomes aware of the energy or the Qi
This lit up a 11 Kilo Volt of Curiosity and I continually looking the
sensation of Qi in my practice. Practised I did very regularly.
However all these words created was a mental image of Qi. How could I
have known what Qi is when I have never felt it for myself? It
disappointed me, needless to say I did not find Qi in my practice.
However it did one thing my practice became a lot more regular and I
liked it. I paid attention to my practice. I started becoming
sensitive about my practice. Thats it. I became hooked. I met Sifu for
the first time and there it was years of practice and dedication, you
just know that its there you cannot put words to it. I started paying
more attention to what I learnt about my footwork, my weight
transition, balance and my waist- basically the very foundation,
basics the seemingly boring basics but there it was the essence of it.
Sifu's visit would keep shattering all the opinions and views I had
about any form and new set of opinions would take their place that
were again shattered in the next visit. This was an amazing experience
- the awareness that we are opinionated, prejudiced and the very
opinions and prejudices blocks learning- the perception of the new.
Sifu's visit continue to busts Myths and new ones take their place
albeit unfortunately.

Its been 3 years of Tai Chi and now with the responsibility of
instructing fresh recruits. I hope I am doing a good job I am not
sure. But then again instructing busts Myths too. I look forward to
teaching because for me it is really learning. I learn with the
student something new always. Alas there is so little time in our
lives and so many habits, opinions, prejudices, bigotry in our heads
that need to be busted before we become one with the moment, neither
past, future or present but the NOW. Well learning never stops does
it? Tai Chi is one thing life is quite another :)
It will be my first meeting with the Grand Master and I am sure all
the grandiose pride that I have about my Tai Chi will be busted and
blasted big time into a zillion smithereens and this time both father
and son would get to do it. By Jove its going to be Tremendous. And I
will get to meet you all.
Looking back Tai Chi is not about sending a naughty curious looking
bad guy through 11 feet of atmosphere to crash on a hard side walk, or
not about exploding a million Agent Smith**** with a FaJing. Tai Chi is
about discovering one's self. What is it? What is it really?
Discovering, Questioning and Enquiring.
Sifu thanks
HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL
Enjoy With You Friends and Loved Ones
Remember The Next Year its gonna be great so don't bother
Get Your Restaurant Tables reserved and may you not have to wait for
long to be served
and
World Peace
Generous References
* Enter the Dragon
** C'mon you should know that Samurai's and whole of Japan lives and
dies by the Bushido Code :O
*** Crouching Tiger and Hidden Tiger
Li Mubai - The Wudan Master the master of the Green Destiny
Shu Lian - His unrequited love :( sniff sniff
**** Matrix of course
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Miracle of Movement

2010-04-30T14:55:00.002+03:00

As soon as we get out of bed in the morning, we stand we walk, we use the hands the wrist the fingers, elbows, knees the ankle, all of the joints. To move. The anatomy of the nervous system of the human body talks of the spinal cord supporting the main trunk line of the nervous system carrying the various electro-chemical impulses. The nervous system, interlink with the myriad muscles and the bones. The heart muscles controlled by the nerves and the heart in turn nourishes the nerves using blood. All interlinked all connected, the individual, the in-divisible, the human body.

Socially too the movement in the voice box, tongue and the facial muscle convey images between any two human bodies and the perception of this image determines the action of those bodies. If the perception is that of a threat then the bodies look for security either by fleeing or fighting the action determined by what the human body has learnt effectively. If the perception is that of joy then there is laughter, dancing and the bodies in merriment. The walking body, running body, the dancing body, the acting body, the fighting body bodies in action one way or the other. Based on the perception that in turn depends on the movement of images from one body to the other. That in turn depends on what the bodies are doing at the moment the movement occurs. The bodies too indivisible part of this one giant movement.

Flight of a bird, galloping horse, cheetah's sprint, the turtle's relaxed pace, movements. Sports men, the dancers and martial artists around the world are students-learning, looking and understanding movement. So are the poets. painters, thinkers-students of the movement of ideas, emotions, perceptions. Lovers, students of each other- caught in a passionate dance of emotions and of the body. Movements.

We all see this movement some part of it, some claim that they see the whole of it, some don't and some don't know what to make out of it.

Gratitude - Part 2

2010-04-28T13:50:00.001+03:00

So we pick up the thread from where we left out. The stoic doctors. The operation theater- families confronting the fact of death. The hospital Sri Ramachandra Medical College and finding humanity.

Well speaking of which I do not know how to begin. I so very much want to make it clear through my writing. I see them all interlinked. I do not see the beginning or the ending. One begins and ends into another. For the general practice to make writing a sequential progression of cause and effect will only make the subject more obscure. The problem is to strike a chord with those who read this piece perhaps person has to live through it to understand, I do not know. That was just a guess. This brain I am not the expert to know the functioning of the brain or its anatomy. I can only live it.

April 23 morning. I was waiting for the procedure of AVR (Aortic Valve Replacement) on my father to get over and was waiting to meet the doctors.

(For those curious about AVR here is a link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmnzhuYRjz8)

Sometime in the afternoon I get to meet one of the doctors in the team and inquired about how the operation went. The doctor was relaxed calm and he said "Not to worry he is fine all the vitals are normal now he has been transferred to the ICU". For me that was a relief. Another family just came up to meet the same doctor and I heard him say, with the same calm in his voice, this as I head back to my room- "Sister tell them that the patient is no more...". Something hit me the relief I felt was gone. Thats life and death.

The hospital here Sri Ramachandra Medical college is a big system constituted by different departments further constituted by individuals right from the lift man to the man on top. Every body is doing his assigned task day in and day out. The insurance, the pharmacy, the nurses stations in different wards, the case files changing hands, the doctors investigating, studying and administrating treatment, the various labs churning reports. To this system people with different backgrounds seek treatment of myriad ailments, afflictions, recuperation, rehabilitation, to give birth or to breath their last. Good news and the bad news at the same time. Your brain does not know what emotion to ride on. One may describe it as a confusion in which case you make choice to feel happy or sad, a conscious choice. Or you do not choose. This brain of humanity evolved over millions of years can be unfettered, set free, let go. Mind you read me carefully. I state again the "Brain" and not your "Consciousness" is freed. Your Consciousness is your memory, what you state as self is your memory. What you know. Your Consciousness put it in its proper place. Freeing of the brain, now what the heck does that mean? Hear the sounds that you never hear, see the things that you never see, feel that you never felt before, smell that you never smelt and taste that you never tasted before. The anxious or surrendered faces, the medical students anxious before the exams, wheel chairs and stretchers and the squeak in the wheels, the resigned patient who would go under the knife, the prayers to the divine, all that pushing and shoving in queues, the first smile of a new born, the heart beat of a premature born through the incubator, the people in the shadows- those peons or more aptly hygienists, errand boys, the nerves of the doctors and nurses in the Emergency, the bleeding heads, broken bones, the bloody entrails, the fast response of the medicos, the relief of the ambulance driver having reached the hospital. Hear them, see them, feel them use every sense of body to listen to them. Thats the sound of the humanity breathing. The brain does not judge anymore not caught in duality between good or bad, life and death, it does not see any contradiction anymore, truth is not judged, the brain lives it.

Its 6:00 PM in the evening and visiting hours to the ICU begins.My mother anxious but strong would be the only person to visit him for they allow only one person.

I visit my father 6:00 PM on the 24th and the site of the ICU of all Cardio-Thoracic cases, a huge spotlessly clean and a sterile room, seeing my father gasping for air and all the monitors and lights bleeping away with lines and tubes running from arms, legs, chest. He loves to talk, speaking is his profession and passion no wonder his 30+ years in teaching in various capacities at IIT Madras. He was waiting the whole day for 6:00 PM to strike and to meet me and to talk. All the machinery and lines and his human body was more akin to an abomination, grissly experiment gone wrong. The Darth Vader breathing that ominous breath ...sshhhhshshshhshs... He was frail. The pain killers kept him going. I spoke little tried hard to keep it short, he spoke till he easily ran out of breath. This is surgical technology mastered by human intellect through ages and still refined and my father went through it. Life finds a way always.

Then there are other stories that I had only a glimpse. The nearest bed from my father's had this very little baby with gauzes and bandages, life support, sleeping. That little life is going through the juggernaut of medication and pain. I wonder how the face could be so serene? As I learnt later from my father, the child would only wail out late at night and not stop till dawn. There were many others going through the seemingly gut churning obstacle course in this game of life and death.

All this only humbles. We will never fathom it completely in our understanding and any idea of that nature is only infantile. But we live with this miracle of our body or our organs and their organisation that we choose to name as the individual. Its quite funny, if you go into the etymology of individual

from in- "not" + dividuus "divisible," from dividere "divide."

individual - the single, not divided.

Not divided into various organs, not divided into the mind and the body, not divided into the conscious, subconscious or the unconscious, not divided into any dualities- good or bad, me and you, your religion my religion, your loss my gain, communists capitallists, hindus moslems. We choose a word that denotes us but does not represent us.

An Individual is the whole humanity if he is not divided both from the inside and the outside. The totality. You save one life you save the entire humanity. You free one individual you free the entire humanity. So are we really an individual?

I thank Dr Richard Saldanha and his team, the A7 ward staff and the entire staff of the Sri Ramachandra Medical college to have helped us through this medical miracle.

Gratitude - Part 1

2010-04-23T14:32:00.009+03:00

The days leading up to the my father's surgery had been quite an experience. My father's reconciliation with the modern medicine as he goes under the knife. Perfect strangers and friends who are seldom in touch coming forward to help in my hour of need. The stoic doctors. The operation theater- families confronting the fact of death. The hospital Sri Ramachandra Medical College. In all this as all ways finding what being human means.

The procedure to be performed was Aortic-Valve-Replacement. Thats the prognosis. The diagnosis is stenosis due to calcification of the Aorta that led to his high blood pressure for over a decade. For my father's generation going to a hospital is in itself a dread and a surgery is quite beyond all comprehension. To top that the active lifestyle that he led with daily walks adds on the idea that one is impervious to any affliction. But as with any beliefs this to was on tenuous grounds and it did not hold. He had to face his fears- depending on someone else. When the going is good we keep to ourselves and do things on our own terms and not be bothered about someone else, self reliance is what we say. Self. The "image" about ourselves, how much water does it hold? We may never know, not until the image is shattered and then we do what we dread in my father's case depending on someone else, not being self reliant, we face the fears. But then life is funny you yield and every thing takes care of itself or rather, not risking getting misinterpreted or representing any belief, we come to terms with what FACT is and with the truth, studied, life seems to find a way.

The initial admission procedures went well-admission on 19th March, angio-gram on the 21st, and the operation on the 22nd. Then the problem- the hospital blood bank was out of A1+ve, this was because of a case of liver transplant that consumed 30 units of the Blood Banks' supply. Another problem- I was told about this on the 21st afternoon. One more Problem- my O+ve won't do. The Blood Bank had no A1+ve stock to trade with my O+ve. The first thing when a person is confronting a really serious problem and if the person is really serious, is that the brain becomes incredibly focussed. It actually stops thinking and ACTs. I and Rini get to act calling to Simu, my Tai Chi Administrator, Suresh an old friend, Shashi Kumar a BTech student from IIT Madras who moderates blood donation activities in the campus, Kanchan ex-cleegue of Rini, Helen current colleague of Rini, http://www.friendstosupport.org/index.aspx providing a comprehensive donors list, and my very good friend Desingh. My and my wife's phone was busy and phone call after phone call from the seeming impossibility of arranging blood, given the summer and the exams of students all over, in short notice slowly but surely kind gentlemen extend their hand to help. With the operation time slot postponed to the second slot (11 AM, first slot at 7AM) we found the 5 volunteers who would make it on 22nd early morning to donate A1+ve blood.

Myself and Rini, we thank Simu (Mrs Viji Thomas), Suresh, Senthil, Shashi Kumar and Kamal (2nd year, ECE, Anna University), Nasser, Kanchan, Helen to have helped us through the crisis.

Above all we thank the donors Mr Sravan Kumar (BTech, Mechanical 3rd Year, IIT Madras), Sreenidhi (MS, Electrical Engg, IIT Madras), Mr. Mahendran, Mr. Raghavendra (L&T Infotech), and Arun (2nd Year, ECE, Anna University).

We missed the deadline and the operation got postponed for the day but it was a relief that we had the requisite units of blood for the procedure to move ahead. I don't have the words to express the gratefulness I feel inside for these fine and exemplary ladies and gentleman. All I would say THANK YOU. I could now be relaxed to down the food through my alimentary.

Who is a friend and who is a stranger? The experience makes me question. The following gentlemen I have never met before are they stranger to me now? I guess not.

Senthil

Raghavendra

Sravan Kumar

Sreenidhi

Mahendran

Kamal and Arun

Images

2010-04-17T15:15:00.000+03:00

For last few days a lot may have happened around us among which the most popular ones –Tiger Wood’s return to the Masters, the IPL controversy, Earthquake in China, the failure of the GSLV launch and the IPL matches. Others would add some more or less to this list which is understandable. The events of our daily lives make us form opinions and actions and all this collective opinion and action is the dynamics of our lives. There is research into the tweeter phenomenon- celebrity gossips, what is the dynamics of that? A bunch of friends meet and a lot get discussed about the latest happenings a lot in our heads is a result of how we come across them, through interaction, communication. Between long distance friends there used to be letters exchanged that would take weeks to find the reader apparently if the imagination can be stretched as Aparna Sen would have us believe in the Japanese Wife, a very intimate relationship could be shared through mere exchange of words. Well I wouldn’t say it as a stretch because you see words do provoke a reaction within us. The IPL concocto-versy for instance, people are curious, that is a reaction. We react to words. What is with Shashi Tharoor? What is with Lalit Modi? Questions- reaction that drives us to find more words and more questions.

J.Krishnamurty would say that all we know about the world are only images in the memory. All the conditioning, habits, fears, pleasure we acquire in memory determines our personality. How we perceive about things. In this dynamic world we acquire opinions faster than ever before thanks to the words and images that fly very fast through all the optical fibers criss-crossing the high seas and all the innovators and entrepreneurs who evangelized Web and their application the Phenom- Social Networking. The blog I am writing to is a result of that and you reading it. What does a person go through with all this image building exercise? Swami Nithyanand had quite a successful following. I was surprised some very talented and educated people were following him. Until Swami Nithyanand “seemed” to do something “un-Swami” like. Quite a few went bonkers taking to the streets. Arrest warrants issued and now there are court cases for Nithyanand to fight. So in addition to “Image building” there is also destruction of images leading to anger, rage, depression, increased heart rate, man vs man. Well apparently images are not permanent there are the Bull and Bear runs spoiling the party and that’s what a person seems to go through.

Everything is a function of the prevailing images; sentiments that take the stock market to rallies and crashes. Take the case of the conflict between the government and the Maoists- images hating images. Religions around the world would want us to BELIEVE. What Images? Notions? Biases? Bigotry? Image of what is righteous, virtuous? And when those are contradicted by others we blow each other up? Images. It is like the fiendish character in Batman Series- the Two Face, images- of pleasure or fear. Well with all this I better handle this image thingy with care, be careful with them, they seem to come in different sizes and shapes and these days in Bytes- K, M and G Bytes. They are thieves out to get to your peace of mind. Watch out even from the Morpheus who would give you the Red or Blue Pill.

Bhajji on Bliss

2010-04-15T11:37:00.000+03:00

It was a particularly annoying evening with water shortage, power shortage, shortage of relaxation after a day's work of an ordinary Software engineer, however, there was no shortage of the rain when the heavens opened and quenched thirsting Bangalore with a collateral of course- Uprooted Trees, speaking of God's weird ways. Anyhoo, it does not call for a particularly navigable traffic with a Moong Dal to buy. My previous 2 attempts of buying Moong Dal to satisfy my particularly discerning Wife was a failure and I had to, had to get lucky third time around, it was time to act Amigos, get married and you would understand and make me your hero.

However all this I didn't know, I didn't know it was to rain, I didn't know that there will be power cum water shortage. I leave office a little late than usual with a dread- my wife would be hungry and hungry Wives are dangerous. It almost sounded like hungry wolves are dangerous isn't it?. I forgot to pack any food from the "The Bay Foodcourt" I had already started. As a discerning General of Corps Husbandry managing my front I had to gather intelligence. I call trying to be calm and composed and ascertain the topology of the husband-wife dynamics at the moment. The dispatch from the war zone read "No Water Stop Wife Cooking Bhaji Stop No Power Stop" the odds read 2 to 1 for TROUBLE. Thats not a bad odd considering I have dealt with far sinister ones and my wife is not going to be hungry...pooh pooh...I am a seasoned veteran.

With a successful raid for Moong Dal I march for home turf. I call up the security about the water problem.

"No Water Before 8 read 9 pm"

At home I actually find my wife, Rini, not marshaling a regiment but actually scampering like a naughty kid with excitement and I melt General of Corps Husbandry is "AT EASE". After the precious husband and wife talk of day's events, gossips, love, Bangalore bitching and love, I start chewing on the Haldirams. Its raining and its dark with Rini blissfully frying away, the Chilly and Corn Bhaiji. For the first time in many months Bangalore is actually cool with a cool spray in your face standing on the balcony, rain, and Rini cooking away "Oh!! When will she be done and I start eating!!??!!!"

Sure I annoy her wits end bit Rini is very caring with the first batch of Chilly Bhajji and Maggi Hot & Sweet Tomato Chilly Sauce-Its Different. What did I do to deserve this but hey you don't mess with questions when the going is GOOD, you blend with the flow. Sure I have been hard on Rini plenty of times with her worldly likes and dislikes, wants and aspirations and me so philosophical, critical, and skeptical, and tad too patient. She a Ball of Energy and myself a more laid back leisurely. The proverbial Yin-Yang and myself and Rini in a Cosmic Dance creating the world we share together every second of everyday.

From Cosmos to 207 Aster, Rakesh Fantasy Garden, my favorite sauce and my favorite Bhajis and the rain outside and its all dark, awesome. Every bite melts in you mouth and the sauce and the hot chilly touch your tongue and the fireworks of flavor work your palate and nostrils and the dark misty rain outside and the cool chill soothing your very bones with more Bhajis to come. AH, This is Nirvana!!!!

My palate is all fired and the water is not enough to quench but still I devour and devour still more. Rini comes looks at me is all smiles. For a consummate cook all they want are happy faces with their food or pieces of Gastronomic Art in the patron's mouth. She had one or two intermittently and her mind was only on the rest- Corn Bhajjis. What Rini missed today in her attire is a artist's berret. What is a berret you ask? Its a kind of hat that looks like this

The moment, the experience would forever remain and possibly saved for posterity in this blog as for me I feel grateful for the moment I and Rini shared with the Bhajis. In this dynamics of the husband and wife this I would say is a song. I bless her all the more and I am grateful.

Guess your way out of uncertainity

2010-04-09T09:34:00.001+03:00

No matter what religious scripture one reads after a while the entire subject gets more obscure than when one had started. The mind becomes more unsure of itself and the floodgates of question comes pouring over. The first 30 years of once life is I think is a breeze some really "gifted" individuals would denote it with much smaller number. Everything is so set and definite. You start your kindergarten, score good grades, move up the 12 standards of schooling to attain your right for a college education. Another 3-4 years of being called a bachelor, and more 2 years and call yourself a Master and another 5-10 years to call yourself a Philosopher. Or you hate being a Master/Philosopher get into the thick of action jump in into your careers. Get Married. All right. Easy Peazy Lemon Sqeezy. Everything is so hunky dory and then like Neo in Matrix you wake up.

You touch upon on myriad Spiritualists, Philosophers, Thinkers, Rock Stars, God Men, Politicians, Communists, Capitalists, Socialists, Hollywood Movies, Bollywood Movies, 9-11 Bombings, War against Terror etcetera etcetera etcetera. Each time you touch and if you had been sensitive you are affected, extent would depend upon one's predisposition.If you are touched then you say something is wrong. Then you run behind the elusive, what is true? If your run had been rather a 100m sprint then you may be brandishing your AK-47, dropping bombs and killing babies or if your run had been a marathon one, you might be protesting on the streets, writing columns, blogs, tweeting, ..., to summarize you will be, not only you we all will be, voicing our inner self when our search for an answer stops. You stop when you think you know the answer and act.

So from one well seemingly well defined system we realize "truth" and break away to something else. A different "System". A system nonetheless. Until one meets the next Contradiction and Mr.Transformation would seek our appointment again. According to the Advaita "Change is the Only Constant". I smell another system.

This reminds me of a scene from Fiddler On the Roof

Avram: (gestures at Perchik and Mordcha) He's right, and he's right? They can't both be right.

Tevye: You know... you are also right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXIdamBEUJE

So why am I ranting today morning, the reason is the following link.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20627550.200-enter-the-matrix-the-deep-law-that-shapes-our-reality.html

The science has created this marvelous system to explain nature. We have gone from Classical Theory, to Quantum Theory Standard Model, and now new theories to explain the unexplainable such as the string theory and the perennial search for the Unified Theory. In this search we hit contradictions along the way and the new scientist blog by the gentleman named Mark Buchanan describes a spooky way of guessing your way out a.k.a Random Matrix Theory.

One particular pair of sentence struck me

" It means that while a large amount of information makes it easy to study everything, it also makes it easy to find meaningless patterns. That's where the random-matrix approach comes in, to separate what is meaningful from what is nonsense."

Geez, Does this mean that Lab Mouse that we are can get out of any contradiction/conjecture/problem by mere guessing?

Kaustav: Sense and non-sense are separated by a GUESS?
Tevye : You are right.

The Retreat Diaries

2010-03-30T13:53:00.006+03:00

Cast

GrandMaster Fu Sheng Yuan and Master James

Sifu and Simu

G9- Gandi

DS- Devraj Sanyal

S- Sirish

PS - Priya Srivastava

RS- Rohit Srivastava

KG - Kaustav Guha

G - Ganesh

M - Mala

N – Neelima

S and S – Sathya and S

SFDN - Saifuddin

SK – Sachidev Kumar

SS- Sarvanakumar

NL- Nischol

Day 1 (5 March 2010)

The Tai Chi retreat had been a great experience and I do not quite put words to what touched me most but nonetheless I would take a shot at it. Why have we come to love the art of Yang Taijiquan? The reasons may be varied but we all have to come to love it. In my experience the practice of 85 forms has become an indispensible part of my life style and is a necessary ritual for me to function in this literally mad hectic world. It charges the body in the morning and there is enough energy to enjoy the simplest things in life at the end of the day. But the retreat tops all that. I am not alone in smiling at anything and everything and cracking the dumbest jokes for the heck of it like an idiot while and after the retreat. So many ridiculously passionate arguments over nothing! Thinking about which I smile and I knew that the grand ultimate Qi was flowing through my meridians like grade 1 white water torrent. I would share all those nonsensical-non-nonsensical gibberish that transpired in the course of my fooling around with that unfortunate lot who had to put up with me, juxtaposing with what transpired in the sessions.

The WarmUp

After the drive from Central over the beautiful ECR with G9 by me side, PS and RS at the back seat the entry to Temple Bay was "HERE IT IS- I am finally here and despite &^@%$%$$ I made it YES". G9 was almost a devotee of Sifu and shared some of his earliest experiences and about driving. That was short intro and pretty much sometimes you meet very interesting people and then they are unknown again. Sifu and Simu were really on the swords edge and this was to be pretty much throughout the retreat first of which is happening right there when I called my wife and extending commiserations - "How Sad that you couldn't make it" and "I miss You". The property is beautiful and as a Bengalurite I found Chennai COOL not that the beautiful Firangs who greeted us with a "Vanakkam" had anything to do with it. The rooms weren't ready and I suspect that with their 5 ishtarr procedure of cleaning up the room for 80 odd people is a rarity.

Day 1 went pretty much in serious registration and registering the moments of GrandMaster Fu Sheng Yuan and Master James’ presence amongst us. The session had primary focus on the warm exercises and the clarification of push hands most notably the Tin-Jin and single hand push hands. It looked like a large ball room dance with dancers at their romantic worst. We got to see Master James at his hilarious best when he poked fun, though good fun, at our exercise. Seriously it was really good stuff some very good insight into the principles of 13 forms, push hands. However Day 1 was just a breaking the ice day serious Tai Chi was still due.

“DS: Can you see an ELECTRON?”

Thus began the night one of the retreat. This was an argument that had been simmering for quite some time given my philosophical disposition regarding fundamental aspects of life in general- the author of this statement does not believe any system that will lead us to the truth be it organized religion or science. Any system is a pair of crutches that we rely on to understand what truth is but we can never stand the truth unless we forsake those very crutches. Obviously with the flowing Chi in our meridian (KG, DS and S) decided to have a serious intellectual head butting. So much so that the Chi spilled over the balcony of room #136 rattling unsuspecting passersby of which G and M responded and there Qi rattled us back. The gist of it

KG: To understand electricity one cannot rely on mere abstractions in physics

DS : So can you see an electron?

KG: Electron is a mere abstraction but not what IS

G and M: Who’s UP THERE?

DS, KG: Oh uhh errrr sorry did we bother you ?????

Bangalore Crowd

We at Bangalore come to the Tai Chi Class like a thief and leave surreptitiously. Its almost like a secret society so secret that our very presence in the class is a secret to ourselves. The retreat thawed this super-cooled chill amongst us, more on that later. The Day 1 was super good.

Day 2 (6 March 2010)

Sunrise Tai Chi

Mornings and at 4 AM. 4 AM? You ask what on Earth was I doing at 4 in the morning with S and S deep in their slumbers. I brought my @$%^& !& work to the retreat. In 2 hours the sunrise TaiChi was to commence. And I was in the balcony facing the pool I was looking at the ripples on the water which I think was the state of my mind right at that time. How reflecting!!

At 5:30 I am out on a waking spree, waking S and S, DS, S, G.

DS: “Why? Why? Why Mr Guha? Why? Why do you persist?

KG: “Because I choose to” ……

DS: Shut Up…I dreamt electrons last night because of you.

I had done my damage the next mission-finding the lawn on the beach.

Story Time

It was just past the Sunrise TaiChi, I see this small group looking at me and N practicing sword and the saber, more at N than me. Oh I had to make an impression right so there was quite a load to keep up with the forms. Well the group was impressed (they are only too kind) and thus began some interesting exchange of stories. The group had SFDN, SK, and others.

-Story 1: What is Zen?

Once upon a time, there had been a Zen practitioner though he had a business of his own and quite successful at that Zen for him was really a fad. But the more he got into it more bewildered he became. Then one day he could take it no more. He approached his master and harassed him “For Heaven’s sake what is Zen?” No matter what the master said couldn’t pacify the student. Finally the master said “If you want to know Zen then meet my master. He would be walking by the road on the mountain reaching the shrine. Meet him and he will tell you what Zen is. The student reached the appointed place and waited for the master’s arrival. Nobody arrived except a laborer with a heavy sack on his back. He waited for many days and he enquired people passing by, except the laborer, but everybody was negative to his query. Finally one day he asked the laborer whether he knew his master and he nodded yes. Then finally the student asked the master “It is bothering me for quite some time but what is Zen?” To this the laborer dropped his sack and was all relaxed with a serene face. The student was bewildered he asked him “What does it mean?” to which the laborer immediately picked up the sack and placed it on his back and walked away…

Some in the crowd got it and went Ahhhhh…and some went “What does it mean?” still carrying the burden

-Story 2: The Beggar

SK is a Rotary Club member and was distributing food and met a beggar once in his social missions. He gave him some sambar rice and other accompaniments to which the Beggar replied with a smile “What is this lunch?” and SK acknowledged him in the positive. The beggar had small morsel and gave it back to SK and said keep this in your pooja room. SK was moved, this is very odd, and nonetheless he took it his home and kept in the pooja room. A day passed the food was not spoiled and still the same, 2 days and 3 days passed and it was still the same it just wouldn’t go bad. Finally SK himself had a morsel and left the mystery alone.

-Story 3: The Wretched Lady from Assam

There was once a man quite accomplished in his life but as is life goes he had cancer. The doctor did not give him much hope and obviously of no help. His spiritual guru asked him to go to Kanyakumari and meet this tobacco chewing Assamese lady. She was with the dogs and living the very basic life. He religiously meets her and before he could introduce himself properly she asked how his guru was doing. After the small talk she gave her spit to him and asked to chew it and have dip in the sea and go home- “All problems will go away”. He does precisely that and he is fully recovered.

With that very warm exchange of stories we left to our rooms feeling something quite different.

With a quick bath we hit the breakfast halls and feasting on the sumptuous.

-Story 4: The Beautiful Sword

The most beautiful of sword is always sheathed.

28 forms and the pressure points and push hands with the GrandMaster

The description of the pressure points at either ends of the wrist is what we dealt in the 28 forms corrections. This aspect of pressure points was very illuminating at least for the seniors. I hope everybody is seriously incorporating the conscious awareness of the pressure points in their practice. And next was the Tin-Jin and my partner for the day SS. The Tin-Jin in Day-2 was a lot clearer than the usual single hand push hands and the sticky hands. I will admit I wanted bask in the masters presence and I was looking for every opportunity to interact though not risking being a pest. I pressed SS to practice as GrandMaster was just around making his rounds and then the moment I was waiting. Push hands with the GrandMaster, WOW it was surreal at his age to have the sensitivity shamed mine. That was a high point. I am not going to wash my hands that were privileged to be corrected by the Master himself. DS and I and I hope we are not alone we wondered why there should be any break. We just couldn’t have enough of it.

The QA started with my query on single whip and Master James at his elements. He explained about the tail bone tucking in during the turning on the heel for single whip and his antics in explaining was hilarious- “You need to come to the bathroom to understand”. The high point of the QA was NL’s question on step up parry and punch. NL a big burly guy is stopped in his tracks by solid stance of Master James, Oh awesome stuff. NL was made to understand the meaning of his own name- stillness. The significance of why 85 forms is right side dominant (because liver being on the right side) and the other questions were placeholders compared to what was to follow- the history behind simplified Yang being the stuff of chicken fight rather than any real martial art. Oh this is serious Tai Chi at its very best.

Camaraderie of Bangalore

This was a great opportunity of serious bonding of the Bangalore contingent. Bangaloreans are a busy lot and the 3-4 hr of Tai Chi leaves very little time of any meaningful socializing. I discovered a lot of interesting things to learn about each of them. Ladies and Gentleman presenting to you the Bangalore contingent

Ramesh: I love to get on his nerves he is one serious Tai Chi and Buddhism freak. Imagine to check out the lawn of the Sunrise Tai Chi one must actually check it out by practicing 85 forms at 7 PM after the day’s toll on the body. Imagine that he is the person. Imagine, wouldn’t you love to get on his nerves. Every word or gesture of the GrandMaster Fu’s or Master James is as if the Buddha’s sermon at Bodh-Gaya. Mind you tread with caution with this guy, as far as internal martial art is concerned he is an expert of Xingyi and Bagua and always getting in contests with Harold is a testimony enough.

Krishna Kumar: KK, we call him. This guy has a hearty laugh and this makes pulling Ramesh’s leg even more enjoyable when you have a discerning audience such as KK. A Taekwondo expert you have one serious martial arts practitioner in him. He loves pulling Ramesh’s leg and you would understand when I say – “Jab mil baithe Teen Yaar, KK, main aur Ramesh Sir”.

Anand: I discovered a great friendship in him only at the Retreat. I had a brief and forgettable introduction at Bangalore. This man is an ace Tennis player and an ex-Karateka and has a big zest for life. You sit with him and if your wavelength matches the resonance is going to shatter any ear drum.

Devraj Sanyal- He is my philosophical adversary as is apparent, quintessential Agent Smith to this Neo, Tai Chi researcher who is not going to stop at nothing. He is going to go beyond the 4 quadrants of Tai Chi. A hearty Bengali whose is a vegetarian by choice?!!??!!!!! He hails from a family of freedom fighters who are accomplished in traditional stick fighting. Software engineer and loves his work. A astute student of Ramesh needless to say where the antagonism for me comes from.

Sirish- He is an introspective, much wiser for his age, sensitive, philosopher, jazz, blues, rock keyboardist and guess what 19 years of age. He is silent but listens and actually can stand me as a person. I can’t pull this fellow’s leg at all. I can’t believe it. He is one grand old man in a late teen’s body that is as far as I can get to pulling his leg.

Meera- A contemporary dancer, yoga enthusiast and in the hunt for spiritual bliss are all Meeras in the world like the Original or rather Authentic Meera Bai. Needless to say her Tai Chi is in her list of spiritual exploration. Exudes youthful exuberance and would you believe, she is a Mother of an 8 eight year old.

Venky – He is into Tai Chi for spirituality and philosophy. A person who is very clear about life in general. He picked up his 85 in a jiffy. If he hangs around there is lot in Tai Chi for him.

Murali- A top exec in a top company. He got 11 adverts for the retreat. A down to earth person, Tai Chi, Yoga enthusiast and has a zest for life.

Neelima- A very warm, kind and a mother-figure of our Bangalore contingent. Konkani studied in Shantiniketan has chaste Bengali tongue and a great baker. A perfectionist in 85 and her favorite the weapons. So choose you weapons carefully.

Priya and Rohit- They celebrated there anniversary in the Retreat Rohit is a hardcore Yoga and a Tai Chi enthusiast. Fearless and is sensitive about many issues that are plaguing our lifestyle – GM foods, stress in work and many others. As I am writing this please welcome Priya into our Tai Chi family no doubt the Retreat played a major part in convincing Priya to take up Tai Chi.

Shreeguru- One of the very senior students of our academy. Into lot of Yoga and as Neelima and I discovered into cooking with practically no oil and no salt???!!!!???

No oil and no salt??!!??

SaravanaKumar – S for short. Ex-Karateka and was pretty much busy with the sessions and his family, father of a cute girl with Happy Feet. Despite all that a serious Tai Chi practitioner and my push hands partner.

No oil and no salt??!!??

Santosh- Not much about him a silent and up to himself was a Chennai student and a Harold Rose protégé.

Sifu and Simu- They belong to Bangalore. Not much to say you all know them. The first couple of the academy and the reason why we are together.

No oil and no salt??!!??

Wanna Wanna Wanna WANNA

The dinner had a rock band singing my favorites “Cocaine”, “Smoke on water” and “We don’t need no education” and were murdering them, but somehow their innocence, youth and exuberance made it sound NICE. But they were good in their originals and a particular crowd favorite “Wanna” the Bangalore crowd obviously the most discerning rock audience enjoyed and even shook to some atrocious, pathetic leg, hand and hip movements, I wouldn’t call it dancing, I would call it… never mind that wouldn’t sound politically correct. But it was fun, really fun, really really fun stuff. Mind you the Chennai lot was equally culpable of dancers and was party to the crime.

Day 3 (7 March 2010)

So today is the end to the trilogy. Or is it really the beginning of something new. The question is

“How Can You Keep a dew drop from losing?”

All of our destinies made us meet. We all come from different backgrounds and we are together in the Radisson Temple Bay resort learning from the Masters. The swimming pool waters are calm today, and by this time you would know that I am talking about myself when I say that. In two hours the Sunrise TaiChi will start with Master James.

Master James makes a Rooster call in the Golden Cock Stance. It was funny but I was not laughing. I was amazed at the solidity of his stance; he was put like a statue. Today’s Sunrise TaiChi had an musical accompaniment. Dr. Himanshu Vaz had this very beginning of the day relaxed music and it was quite apt with all the graceful moves we have with Tai Chi. What I am talking about is the external significance. Anybody who would witness the event would have been mesmerized. Internally I cared only about not falling and not screwing up my forms. Keeping up with Master James is by far not easy at all. He is so much in control and his movements are so solid and so very well defined. I was sweating profusely at the end of it. Good thing was that I was at the corner and I enjoyed all the space around me without the dreadful dread of bumping into another.

You could see Master James sweating so much so he almost had a puddle to drown in. We had an impromptu QA at the end of the Sunrise Tai Chi, I think there were some interesting questions but it flew over the stratosphere not an altitude where my brain flies. But this was all that I could gather from those moments. Chinese associate an animal out of the twelve they have to every hour of the day. When GrandMaster Fu and Master James practice it is the hour of the Rat which is 11-12 pm. At that hour there is a lot of energy scurrying all around that begins with the ending of a slumbering pig, 10-11 pm, which Master James says his wife calls him one. Goes to show what all wives think about their beloved husbands regardless of who they are even if one has Mastered Taijiquan. If you are shocked let me assure you it is Master James in his hilarious elements. For those who have the apprehension of being branded as part of the loony tunes practicing at that hour you settle for a practice when the sun rises, at the hour of the rabbit the furry distant cousin of the rat, and more in tune with Indian sensibilities of exercise. Dr. Vaz had a question and it was all medical with brain circuits and all that Master James couldn’t understand. I thought there was something interesting to understand. I did not understand no point talking about it. But I liked being in his presence and so did all of us who were there. We just liked it- all that leg pulling of Master James. This I understand.

Push Hands

The rolling hands practice on day 3 really clarified the push hands like never before- Having the privilege to do push hands with the GrandMaster Fu on day 2 and now the cherry on the cake push-hands with Master James. Its lot of hard work and one needs to have a very strong and flexible lower body. I do not yet know how to fathom what I have learnt in these days but the experience has only made me lot more curious and serious about Tai Chi. But one thing a veil has been lifted in these 3 days at the retreat, Tai Chi is a Martial Art and beyond those meridians and esoteric gibberish, beyond those abstractions and images. There is a lot of hard work and toil ahead mastering this body and these senses to really know what Tai Chi is.

85 forms

“launch away”->”Sit back”->”lei”->”Chi”->”Again” I lost count of how many times GrandMaster Fu ordered and we obeyed. Again and again and again… It goes to show what it takes to be perfect, practice and practice and practice and …This we did but the journey is far from over as it would become apparent on the lunch table.

FaJIng

We practiced FaJing and Master James had an interesting story to share. Sometime in the early 90’s the Chinese Media had come to GrandMaster Fu’s house. GrandMaster Fu demonstrated push hands with his then nineteen year old son Master James. GrandMaster got a little to excited that he threw Master James to wall like a piece of meat. Master James whispered to GrandMaster Fu that “I can’t go on anymore” but GrandMaster just went ahead with even more push hands and even more plops on the wall. Later that night Master James coughed blood and an internal bleeding and luckily their family prepare traditional Chinese medicine and in this case Shanchi powder was administered to Master James. This helped but it took Master James 3 months to recover. Mrs. Fu, Master James’ mother was all furious “How could you do this to your own son”. Later on Master James took his complaint to GrandMaster Fu to which GrandMaster Fu said only this much “You know Kung Fu?”

Kalari

There was a Kalari demonstration and I wouldn’t believe Asan of 72 year old could be so quick, flexible and so fierce. His students would almost wet in their pants when sparring with him. It was amazing. Then there was cultural exchange of Master James demonstrating Saber. All this was so amazing that in the words of the Dragon Warrior Po the Panda we were blinded by the overexposure to pure awesomeness.

Lunch Time

I admit I am a pest. I wanted to go where GrandMaster went, I wanted to sit with him and lunch and dine regardless of whether he called Mala as MOLA HA HA HA. Well I don’t mind having a Cantonese equivalent of my name. Thanks to the non-pests in the Bangalore contingent I too became a non-pest. However I was dying to be one. I invited Master James to lunch at our table and the non-pests were thanking me though wouldn’t care to admit it then or later. He regaled us with the stories of his experiences, his student winning an Olympic medal in 2008 (Wushu-Taijiquan), about his tryst in the media, teaching experiences. Needless to say his food was getting cold. He is one fun loving person and would crack anybody anytime with jokes and anecdotes, he had us in splits. The best part was what came out of the conversation on massaging GrandMaster Fu’s back. He said that his and Sifu’s fingers would hurt so strong was GrandMaster’s Fu’s back. He looked at me and said “You touch his back (pointing to DS’ back) and go touch GrandMaster Fu’ back”. For a moment I thought is that actually happening. I went to GrandMaster Fu with a fear of not offending him lest I would be a piece of meat on the wall. I took his permission and touched his back. Compared to the soft and cushy back of DS’ GrandMaster Fu’s back was as hard as a piece of Granite; I am not under any influence of alcohol or psychotropic drugs when I say that. He laughed his signature hearty laugh “HA HA HA” and then goes “TOUCH TOUCH” pointing to his forearm, it was three times my forearm and as hard as a ROCK. Then he again went again “HA HA HA” as if pointing me and saying “See Kid I am the Master, you are a Kid and continue to be one so HA HA HA”. But whatever happened was a dream and I even started laughing like him “HA HA HA”.

Photo OP

The photo Op. In the official group photograph you could see me seated 3 seats to the right of Simu. Where Master James goes humor follows. He swapped his wife for Simu and Simu boy she blushed the entire crowd was all in splits. Master James goes “that is a good exchange”. Simu would kill me next time she comes to Bangalore I am sure for bringing this up. After saying CHEESE we head back to complete the 85 forms correction.

Sword and Saber

We were just about to start the weapons and Master James noticed me carrying wooden sword and saber. He talked about the jin not travelling the length of the wooden sword and getting reflected from the handle itself. He demonstrated the Jin travelling the sword and rattling the tip. He asked me to do the same I did and the tip wouldn’t rattle. He goes “See, the sword doesn’t listen to you. Do it harder”. I redeemed by pride by going at it harder and rattling the tip. Then he demonstrated that he could rattle the tip without thrusting the sword. He would just hold the sword and the jin would emit out of his hands and rattle the tip. This was out of the ordinary and I was amazed. I go to KK and share my sorrow- “The sword doesn’t listen to me, my wife doesn’t listen to me” to which KK replied “and in my case my kids don’t listen to me”. I vowed then that one day I will have a real sword.

We had so little time for sword, so much got crammed into that time that my head was reeling. Master James himself felt that. Nonetheless that is the best we could do at that time. We went into saber and finished a routine. GrandMaster Fu suddenly out of the blue called everybody to grab any stick, hilt sword whatever and made them practice the saber. He just put everybody in a spot and we all did the first few forms. Again and again and again and…

Souvenier, Certificates and the closing

It dawned on us like all good things come to an end so would this retreat and all the happy memories from these three days would be revisited again and again and again …

My article “Discovering One’s Self”, of course edited to suit the fine discerning taste of the audience made it into the souvenir. I was shocked; the editors must have had a nightmare with that piece. The souvenir was too good. It looked like a top class coffee table book. The graphics were amazing and so were the articles and hats off to the Chennai Team to have brought it out so well and being such a gracious host to the proceedings that transpired. We got the certificates and the souvenir and were beat.

Dinner

This would be the last dinner under the star lit sky. A Bharatanatyam performance by kids with our Masters enjoying it thoroughly, explanation of who or what a Bengali is by DS- “Orey Baba Akashe Koto Tara” (translate: Oh My God The Sky has so many Stars), plans for the next day to head home or to check out the nearby lonely planet must see, and many such conversations dotted the night. I felt a bit light inside and the sea is just a distance away. So many good experiences- Master James’ jokes, GrandMaster Fu’s HA HA HA and the bonding in the Bangalore group. I just wanted to stop time and stay with the feeling of being in presence of the masters needless to say an infantile idea finding its root in my head. The time moves on what it will make me I know not. I know this much that I am very curious right that very moment something that will carry me more and more into the depths of the Yang Style Taijiquan ever getting into the depths until I get to realize the answer to question that began the Day 3 journey.

“How Can You keep a dew drop from losing?”

By throwing it into the Sea.

The Bangalore crowd ended the night doing a group meditation facing
the Bay of Bengal.

Hell's Angels part 1 - Defy Convention

2006-03-30T07:12:00.000+03:00

What does it take for a man to challenge or what compels him to challenge what is already established? - Defiance. This is a strong urge that I experience when what I perceive about myself and what my peers perceive me as has a disconnect. Either the issue is nipped at the bud or explodes into something grand or sinister. For me its always been the later. The trip to Coorg on a bike with no idea of the roads or any prior experience on the highway can be regarded at best as inconceivable - Precisely the point I do not agree with and hence I set out to defy and try and make a statement that I am Dangerous. The process made me realize however that my intent for the trip is a childish assertion making me understand that what people think about me is inconsequential, what matters is my life - the urge to understand and respond to Mother Nature with complete honesty and humility.

The day is 25th of March and the time is 4:30 AM. Myself, Pramod and his Room-mate Sajid set out on the Bangalore Mysore Highway. The idea behind the trip was actually conceived by Biju, the coolest and the wisest 28 Year old on this planet with vast trekking experience. Originally about 4 Bikes and 8 people were to be part of the expedition, with the departure of Biju away from the trip's scheme of things the interest and the enthusiasm dwindled, leaving me and my good friend Pramod to sustain the madness. I have limited experience but not on the scale that this trip demanded. There was only one apprehension I had about the trip- Will my bike sustain the abuse? Actually I would have preferred the Pulsar but as it seemed even my bike wanted to make a statement, and it did. Both Pramod and I believed that we can pull it off, and how?

My disdain for luggage almost had me in a regret when driving through the Blr-Mys Highway early in the morning. I was wondering whether to take a jacket along with me, but then I felt that its summer, so junked the jacket and set out with a thin cotton T-Shirt, that had the caption- "Defy Convention". Defy I did all odds to come down with a very bad case of pneumonia. We were travelling at 70 Kmph against the cold wind and I was frozen stiff. I almost felt like being welded to the bike. The shudder my body felt was nothing like I ever felt before. It was biting cold because of the speed and my bad judgement with the jacket. But it was kinda fun. We blitz through the highway and rip our engines further. We cross Ramanagram and Channapatna in no time. Its now sunrise and God seemed to have some pity on me. The temperature rise and I felt more and more comfortable to rip my stead. We reach a small tea-stall on the highway close to Mandya and take a break.

Its 6:30 in the morning and we had significant distance to cover. We had to cross Mysore as fast as possible and then head to the Tibetan Buddhist Monastry at Bylakuppe as early. We needed to have as much day light when we check out all the attractions that Coorg had to offer. Mysore was now about 60 Km away and Bylakuppe about 180 Km. The morning sunshine and with enhanced Caffeine content in our Blood we decide that we will not stop until we reach Bylakuppe.

We speed up to 90 Kmph taking advantage of the light and superb road and shoot through like a bullet. I had never tested the endurance of my bike at these speeds and it was flawless. Before the trip I had done a full servicing at the Castrol Bike Zone at Jayanagar, kudos to those guys my bike is back to the time when I first fell in love with it and with some one on it. Lot a different thoughts race through my mind. I remember secretly making a trip to Mysore to meet my girl on a train, now I am heading to Mysore on a Bike, I never got the girl then, but times change, now I fall in love every second- Oh, Life is Beautiful. I was getting back to the time when I was a boy, I still call myself a boy but truth is that its not the same. World is different when I was a kid, it was so mysterious. I used to faint with exhaustion when thoughts about the world around me used to consume me. With more sturdier neurons today I can grasp more. But I feel now the same joy as I felt then when understanding a new truth with sustained mental work - The wind in my face, the asphalt shooting past underneath I am close to danger, and danger is exhilarating.

We cross Mandya in a jiffy and cross Mysore at 7:30 thanks to the little guy who wanted to hitch a ride with us. He sat behind me helping us give directions to bypass the high road leading us to the road heading to Madikeri through meandering smaller roads through the city. The road after that had a different story to tell. It was bumpy. Through out the trip we had an unstated understanding, one guy sets the pace and the other follows and when the leader tires setting up the pace the other guy takes over setting the pace and the process continues. This ensured that we had sustained our speed well enough to race past the green paddy fields and vast dry landscape beside the road leading up to our destination and never slacked. This was one reason how we took the road from Mysore to Madikeri (in Coorg) with a vengence though our shock absorbers had a pretty tough task sustaining the bumps at our maddening pace.

We stop for breakfast on the Highway at Hunsur, we were now 40 Km from the Monastry and the time is 10:30. The Dosas were simply divine, maybe its the tire of the journey or the hunger inside us but we were not that keen to understand our love for the South Indian Pan Cakes.

And of course, the Tea, oh, divine. We proceed further on and my ignorance about Coorg takes effect. My impression about Coorg was that the vegetation is very much rain forest like but at Bylakuppe I found the entire surrounding very dry and parched. There actually is no contradiction as I later realised, Bylakuppe is not part of Coorg really, Coorg is further away- A fact I would realise with a lot of emotion later. Now with Eucalyptus trees on either side we head to the Monastry where we will turn our selves into little school boys excited enough to make our Mothers cry.

Pramod Tanvar, my colleague (God in DSP and VLSI Design) and team mate in this expedition, married recently and will be leaving Bangalore and our company soon. This guy has a smile on his face that would warm anyone's heart. This guy has amazing talent in Dramatics and is a walking encyclopedia on Hindi film music and Urdu Poetry. A die hard romantic from Rajasthan, however, is now longing the company of his better half who is right now in Faridabad and has to be content with long and over shooting phone bills. The Mr. Cool and also married - A gem of an exception. I felt proud to have his company and admire his attitude towards life. Thanks to his company, I would not have had this much fun if Pramod had not come down from heaven and joined on this trip to Coorg and Back. His friend and Room mate Sajid Qureshi, I dont know much about him, but through out the trip he had an amazing attitude- cool dude. Guys, thanks, I had a helluva Time - Oh Pajji, Tussi Great Ho!!!!!.

We reach Bylakuppe's Namdroling Monastry (or the Golden Temple) and we reach a different country - The Little Tibet, home away from home for the Tibetans driven out by the Godless Communists. The peace loving Tibetans, a striking feature in them is there zest for life and simplicity. Every Monk will sooner or later would acquire the the latest and greatest in terms of gadgets and gizmoz or Bikes or Cars. But still would keep his head on the right shoulders. Nobody would stop you from entering the monastry. You are welcome, no matter who you are. The Monastry is beautiful, but still you could take your camera and start clicking and no overzealous monk or priest to stop you, you are welcome. The air about the monastry is as if I am at my school. The scholastic air with little lamas running around is very much akin to the primary standards of a school. With the bigger lamas on their bikes and the little lamas with their walkmans with the Tibetan lady crooning. The tire after the long bike ride is suddenly a forgotten dream as we enter the hallowed compound of the Namdroling monastry with the view of the prayer halls ahead of us. The colour of the view sprouted our school boyish eagerness to check out the place. There so much fun under the sun with greenery and the youth of the place. There was a certain innocense to the place that seem to say- "Oh, traveller, I hope you are comfortable here, there are beautiful paintings (murals) on the walls. These painting will sooth you and you will feel fresh. Make this place your home and all apologies if you are not happy". At this my head was giddy with confusion- "Oh take a picture of that, oh also that painting!!!! Oh its so beautiful !!!! ....Oh whats there ? Oh splendid, where is my camera? Oh its right here ? Click Click Click". We were just hanging around at the garden and little did we know that soon our intellectual transformations into little 6 years old will be complete.

We enter the main prayer hall and my ego escapes from my body and hides in the garden outside. The majestic personalities of the trinity right in front of you brings you to your knees with respect. There is no fear but the holiness makes the love within you for life well-up and it shows on your face. The predominant feeling in anybody who was there was innocense. Human being is a fallen angel and will never get to live in the kingdom of God. He has his petty squablings, desires and ego to forever remain ignorant about the grandeur of the cosmos. The gracious smile of the Guardian Buddha arouses the security within you to be comfortable with your childish innocent urge to be forever curious. I looked at the walls adorned with paintings of Dalai Lamas of the past and paintings of Mythological significance hiding within them a fact, which when unlocked will help us bring heaven here on earth. But, of course that is wishful thinking considering the who we humans really are. I was clicking away to glory the colours, so many that I have never seen at a single place ever before. It takes perseverence to sensitize our selves to enjoy the grandeur and is sure is worth the effort packing our bags to arrive here totally unsuspecting of the power, the grace and the sublime of the Namdroling Monastry.

We were ignorant of the bodily tire that we were actually going through. The prayer hall had a hard to explain energy that chanelled through our senses and made us feel vigorous, energetic and fully alert. I have always been fascinated about monastic existence and now I have a semblance of understanding about the objective that a man has to have in his ever precarious journey towards perfection, the ideal, monastic existence makes it easier by keeping the practitioner away from possible pittfalls but nonetheless who said it was ever easy?

I was feeling, though with a realisation that it is short, the innocense that I once had towards everything that was around me. I have lost it but it was good to be in touch with it here again. Reminescing the journey with the passage of time from a fragile kid (always had Mom worried) to a full blooded Man, with very many anecdotes racing my head. But then every thing has its importance and significance but at its own time. My past has passed and its time to move on to explore and realise very many truths and challenges and conundrums that will have me on crossroads. The time had come to bid adieu to Buddha and the other two forces (Destroyer and Creator) with whom I had my own secret conversation of a confused child with the all knowing guardian. We head out to refresh ourselves with fruit juices and my own little shopping where I end up buying a prayer wheel. We head back through the dry Tibetan settlement with colourful prayer flags fluttering with decision in our heads to stop next at Nisargadhama, a sanctuary on a small island formed on the Cauvery. On route we find the anti China propaganda to ban Chinese goods and the propanganda about the Panchen Lama abduction - the youngest political prisoner in the hands of the Chinese. Somehow there is little will throughout the world to stand up to the Chinese. Any country has to have the strength to stand up else it has to succumb to the hell of foreign rule. We humans are such that real peace can only be ensured if we stand up and fight for what we believe is ours- our land, our country, our morals, our values, our freedom with our blood ripping apart our adversaries. Peace and non-violence are things that we must achieve but unfortunately if you want your own country to be defended then you need the necessary evil of war. All I could do then was to wish the Tibetans all the very best in their struggle for their sovereignity.

Anyway, we were getting through the dryness of Bylakuppe and heading towards the greenary that Cauvery has in her womb. The vegetation that so long zipped passed us had a depressing grey hue but things begin to change into olive and so does our heart postponing the realization that we were hopelessly tired. We head out and the bike ride begins to be more fun inspite of our bottoms being in pain. With Pramod in company even I get enthused into singing those very apt hindi songs and humming when there is need to compensate for forgotten lyrics. I realised that there is one problem being a fan of instrumental music. Humming is boring, We need words Baby!!!

Our original objective of visiting the Monastry was over, as a matter of fact thats all we wanted to do. But with time in our hands with a day to spare we just start checking out what more we could do then. As I reminisce now, we were totally out of control. The places we checked out are a lot given the time we had in our hands. No amount of planning would have made us explore so much as you will see now.

The birth of Cauvery happens at TalaCauvery about 48 Km further from Madikeri. The river meanders through Coorg and suffers the Dams both within Karnataka and if fortune would please the Tamilians in Tamilnadu as well. I visioned the Cauvery at this point to be a reckless teenager, but to my dissappointment, summer saps the energy of kids and so is the same for Cauvery - it seemed too wise. Simply that it was not the season where one gets to do white water rafting. The season for that would be between July and August because of the rains, when the Cauvery here turns turbulent.

This place is good for a family outing and most importantly you can make lot of kids happy. We did take the boat ride and the elephant ride. High point here was the oppurtunity to take bath in the cool cool water of the lazily flowing Cauvery - awesome stuff. Anyways it was sunny and we were just fooling around and Pramod and Sajid where at their comic best singing the very old Hindi Songs and totally out of place Urdu poetry. Anyways we did have lot of those photo ops. Those were funny moments and its good to have them around from time to time. Kudos to the attitude of Pramod and Sajid.

With all the fun at Nisargadhama behind us we head on to Madikeri en-route Sunticouppe. My imagination of what Coorg looks like began taking shape and instanly I could relate to my birth place in the North-East, small town Tezpur (Assam), never in my wildest of my imagination did I dream that I would feel so much at home here. The roads here seem to be so familiar reminding me of the majestic greenery and the nice people of the Tezpur. Simplicity of the place made me secure and I could be myself without being reminded of the screwed people you encounter in big cities. This is my turf. Yooohooo!!!!!

You wave at people passing by and they wave at you back, zero hostility, be it an old granny returning from the coffee plantations or little urchins fooling around with a kite. The drive now became a little bit tricky. We were now entering a more hilly terrain and with that we venture on to winding roads making serpentine sweep as it climbs and descends the hills of the Coorg. There is only one cardinal rule one need to adhere when one drives through these hill grade roads- stick to the left, do not overtake and do not take a centre line you can be in big trouble. One gets blinded by the curves that the road takes, hiding behind the invisible face of the hill and suddenly you might see an on coming truck heaving at you. With simple prudence we got to enjoy the otherwise superb road and above all the greenery and big trees that now takes its own sweet time getting behind you - slow and easy. Madikeri was not important, important thing was the journey to get there somehow reminding me of popular quotes on life in general. Sometimes we forget the means but are so caught up with the end. When we travel it is not always important where we are going, every conceivable experience in life teaches something and so does the journey, giving us more wisdom than we can ever imagine. On the bike I was at home usurping the beauty of the land. My aunt, the Coorg. She is patient and is always nice. She lets me play whatever games I want to play and if I get naughty she takes me aside and explains with kindest of words and my love for her makes me understand as well. Such is the motherly feeling that I got to experience and it just washes away all the ill will and the frustration of leading a life that you sometimes feel is rudderless. We reach Madikeri at 5:00 in the evening with about an hour and a half before sunset and check our selves into a lodge. Mayura Valley View was very much affordable and also it was close to the Raja Seat where Kodava Kings used to enjoy beautiful sunsets over their kingdom.

We head to the Raja Seat after we quickly freshen ourselves. The sunset was just around the corner and that was perhaps the only thing on our minds. The view from the Raja Seat was needless to say was too good. The place was reminded of old Tamil, Telegu, Kannada and Hindi movies with the ritual dance of courtship by the "Hero" and the "Heroine" with the odd jealous "Villain" hiding among the bushes and taking a sneak peak at the couple and screwing his eyes and reddenning his chicks to denote jealousy. The view made us very silent. We knew that it was the culmination of the day's trip and we were exhausted but yet some mysterious power plant within still was on the overdrive driving us forward and the view adding to the fuel. We deserved every bit of joy for we really worked hard for it- 270 Km on the bike from Bangalore with good and bad roads is not easy. The sunset was surreal. The moment was very solemn. We looked at each other and suddenly dashed of to another spot to better capture the moment. We walked through the incline on path made out of people with like minded intent of heading on to choicest places to capture the grandeur of the Sun once enjoyed by the royalty of Coorg.

Anyways, the day had come to an end and we got lost for a moment in the wilderness of the slope for walking through precarious paths with tall grass. Finally heading out of the slope we actually found ourselves outside the Raja Seat park. The sun had set and we had all but little option but head back. We were silent and I had very little strength to speak. So much we learnt and experienced in a day and still another day to go. All my friends were making fun of me when I got a 1 GB memory stick for my camera. Well, they dont know me - a shutterbug. I was feeling very proud of myself and I was feeling very proud of Coorg. She made me feel at home and cared for me unconditionally. The day started at 3:30 AM with the customary waking up and readying myself for the trip and now at 7:00 in the evening and Pramod churning out all time Kishore Kumar Hits, though in his own unique style and voice, the day has been an amazing learning experience. I never needed to prove anything whether I could pull a stupid trip or not - if a person puts enough heart and mind behind what he or she thinks can be done, it will be done. The impossible is within all of us, all it takes is to DEFY it. Tomorrow we had the trip back. We go to sleep and amazing thing is that good experience never escaped me even during sleep. Coorg aunty had sent Hema Malini and Neha Dhupia to give me company in my dreams.

Break My Heart

2006-02-28T06:04:00.000+03:00

The laughter in your face
The smile in your eyes
Things that I live to see
The flutter that my soul takes
I will never can feel in life normal
Break my heart
For I am human
Wanting to want you for myself

Let me not keep you in chains
Let me not pluck you from your stem, Oh flower.
Break the cages that I have for you- My love for You
Fly free, Fly away
Break my heart
For I am human
Wanting to want you for myself

Sarfarosh

2006-02-14T08:40:00.000+03:00

It is the 11th day in the month of February, the time had come to take the call to head out for a totally unplanned trek. Four of us group at our office to head for the Big Banyan tree and then onto to the Avarahalli dam and near by locales about 50-60 Km from Bangalore, little did I know that this trip would be beyond what I ever expected, where I would confront the grand and seamier side to life where all my understanding about life would come to call.

The objective was to head for the Banyan Tree as the first halt after leaving the city, where we would hang around a bit, after this we had a simple plan, head to the dam site and scout for a bathing spot and then finally the camping spot where we would pitch our tent for the night and then if every thing goes well we would head back to the city in the morning and possibly explore other unknown spots. We know nothing about Avarahalli, we know nothing about the terrain, we hardly know the route, all we know is that one of us had heard about the site. This camping trip was fully our own, no professional help whatsoever. As a matter of fact, we did not even know the name of the place where we were heading, its only now that I am back here sitting at home compiling the blog.

The day starts at 5:00 in the morning. Waking up from my sleep with a stiff body with every muscle aching, I ponder why now do I have to wakeup, but then its Mallu's birthday and we have a trek in his honor. Poor fellow had been looking forward to this with innocent delight. Doubts cloud my judgement like "Is it Safe?". But why am I getting bogged down now. A word is a word. I pack my almost non existent luggage and wear my favorit jacket and head out. I ride and reach the office at around 6:00 in the Morning and I am greeted by the early day break and fog.

We take stock of the luggage we were about to take and have a small photo-op before we head out for the trek and we cry out (a cry conceived by the Birthday boy Mallu) "Hail Banayan Tree". The bikes of choice- two 150 cc Bajaj Pulsars, tough machine really and as it turned out it was a good choice for the terrain we were to face.

We ride on until we reach the Big Banyan Tree and the first thing that crossed my mind was "thats it!?!". The impression for the rest of the day was that it was going to be a short trip and we would find it difficult to have ourselves motivated to go ahead and complete the objective- camp through the night.

We rode on with zero expectation about the next rendezvous with the dam at Avarahalli. We were altogether more focussed at the task ahead riding through the village bad roads and riding through it safely. The experience of biking, the dust in our eyes and the unexpected scenic beauty enroute to the dam was begining to make me wonder that hey, it may not be all that bad. We had to ask for directions from the villagers who were surprised at our gear and the lack of understanding of Kannada, and ya I forgot to mention, non of us knew an iota of Kannada, luckily as you would see later this impediment was of no consequence in our trip.

We were getting a hang of the road and were quite enjoying it and were also feeling how remote we really are. We were getting further and further away from the safe haven were civic system could rescue us from any possible danger (or is it really that?). But nonetheless we felt more and more unfamiliar with whatever was around us and suddenly we were on an alien terrain and there was only one thing that we could possibly do- To explore.

We knew we had to drive further on from what a villager told us in whatever broken Kannada we could understand. But we were not quite prepared to discover what the dam and its catchment area would seem like, and there it was, nestled within the grail made out of mountains and us looking down upon it we knew that we were there. We had nervous energy running through our veins and there was freshness in our spirit at the prospect that lay ahead of us- we were not beaten by the tire of carrying the luggage on our backs and the bike ride.

The next thing we did of course was to fool around. We got on top of a hillock and Mallu bhai had the customary Brithday bumps and there were video shoot of the entire scenary of the environs surrounding the dam (and of course the BUMPS). The sight of water the Birthday spirit of our hatefully loved Mallu had atleast me in my most geekish self. I was the lead anchor of the a show very akin to the Globe Trotter in the Travel and Living channel though an idea not shared by my trek mates (they wanted a female anchor- speak of gender equality). So myself, Mallu, Rats, and the Builder got to plan- Where to find the spot where we could have a bath.

It was decided that two scouts be sent to explore the land and find out the best spot to have our bath. To me it was just like we were a bunch of renegade western outlaws on our horses and living the wild wild west. Myself and mallu were the scouts simply because we were more likely to understand any southern tongue among the locals. What we wanted to do was to cross over to the other side of the bank because it was rocky when compared to the bank we were standing on, where the water was slushy for there were no rocks. But there was no road to get to the other side. To get there through land by getting around the back water would require us to hide our bikes somewhere before we venture on a long long walk. But this was not a very alluring option to fall back on so we went about exploring other possibilities like crossing over the water, but how?. We kept riding and we came across a small fishing hamelet on our side of the bank. From there we could see small number of housing on the other side and some guys were coming over to our side on a raft. There was a military truck standing on our side of the bank and we presumed that those guys were part of some sort of Army base camp in this remote place of Avarahalli.

But Mallayalam had helped and it was time Mallu came on his own. There is something electric when a Malayali meets another Malayali. And sparks flew with tongue twisters exchanged as two old friends meet for the first time now. The Army camp denizens were all Malayali (they were part of the Rowing Team of the Engineering Regiment called the Madras Sappers). What Mallu, after his conversation with the Army man, found was that he could pursuade one of the fisher man to take us across to the other side in his Koraikol (round boats) but we had to park our bike on our present bank. We take the call- we would leave our bikes to the mercy of the heavens and proceed to the other side.

We got to the other side of the bank and stripped to jump into the ice cold water- the water was deceptively cold. We had one helluva fun, cracking beer cans open (glug glug glug) and tossing some into the water for sport. We had food and again more video shoot but this time it was more skin show ;).

In the ensuing merriment we got to paddle the Koraikols, the boat man and his son were amused at us, with the junior hogging the Bhujjiya and the senior the Whisky- STRAIGHT and NEAT. It was one hell of an abandonment we got to enjoy. I was not covetting anything around me, I let go, and lived the moment and boy it was liberating.

But all good things has to come to end and we had to head back. On board the Koraikols we set of back to the bank where we had parked the Bikes. This trip was more silent as time stood still, dead still, and I am in the middle of it. It was surreal. We hop back on our bikes and set of for the Motel that happened to be on our way. Initially we wanted to take charcoal with us so that we could manage a barbeque but this being our first trip we wanted to cut down on our luggage. We got to the Motel and I fell in love with the locales surrounding it. Mallu took off on one of the bikes to the nearest village (about 5 Km form the spot) helping his other Mallu friend in the Army to ensure supply of cigarretes back to the army base camp. The base camp is for the Army Rowing team and cigarretes is actually a NO NO there. But nonetheless there are human cravings that need to be satiated.

Rats and builder are already beat, Mallu takes off on his bike and I stand in the middle of this virgin beauty. I was just standing there. I was not thinking. I was just there simply. Neither did I take a walk or bother to sit, just standing. Time was not moving, I stand on this alien land looking around for nothing. I simply look. It was hours just like that, I did not feel like sitting atleast. The beauty was right in front of me. I would not say that it had captivated me or had me dumb. Later in the end of the trip, about where I stood, I will have have a precisely contradictory feeling but now as I stood there the simplicity that surrounded me made me smile within. Where do I belong in this world? I am just a speck that cannot be destroyed. I am free. Just looking for answers in this big contradiction, but that is the fun part, actually it is futile to go looking for one. It is just a little child's play, he is all engrossed in it, he hates to lose and loves to win and winning and losing he keeps going on, playing a game. I am here playing a game, trying to find my self, when I am already aware who I am. But let there be this mystery, there is no fun unless things are actually mysterious. Life is not worth living when one never faces any contradiction. I will face contradictions, precisely on the very same night when circumstances take a dramatic turn. Now I am in the middle of this vast landscape, amused at the cranes and the hawks hovering over the water. Looking at the distant hills and wondering- "Cool. Man its worth it."

Something hits me, I was not done yet. I had to exhaust myself. But how?. I was burning up but my enthusiasm was not shared among the other three. Mallu comes back and we have food at the Motel. Every body was amused at the locales and we wonder if we pitch the tent on the bank of the lake that was part of the property of the Motel. Thou shalt never succumb for easy routes for it may lead to misadventure. We took the safe route and a big contradiction would hit us soon...especially me. But for now, every thing was "Kewl". We leave the Motel to a different secluded place on the bank and rest. I was not in a mood to rest. I proposed to climb the hill that was adjoining the road. I wanted to explore that.

Builder seemed to have sufficient rest at the Motel and he joined me for the climb. The climb was tough. The summit seemed further and further away from us. It would easily be close to 3 Km on the incline of the hill. I looked around my boots to find ashes from previous bush fires. The place was dry, bushy so one had to be careful not to carry any cigarretes or matches, even batteries, or shards of glass. The rocks, surrounded by dry drass and thorn bush surrounding it, made it difficult to move on. After a particularly steep climb to top of one of the rocks, builder halts to take breath. The summit is still further on and builder asks me take a call whether to climb further or head back. My madness was culpable. I said- "Lets Climb".

Further trek to the summit was easy, the terrain was less rocky. The summit was getting nearer and nearer and I began to feel sad, why are we getting to the summit so soon though whole of my leg was aching and I was heaving for breath. Of course the photo shoot went on, and the view was breath taking. It almost knocked my senses out. I was on a high, high on adrenaline. Builder and I were ecstatic and started to claim the ownership of the hill. It was ours. Our domain. The distant river, lake, the distant mountains, the dam, evrything was ours, and Why? because we could see them. I am the king of the World. Hail Le' Empeurer.

I felt very powerful at the summit. I was ready to die. ....I was die-ing to live. This was what I wanted to achieve. ....Sarfaroshi ki Tamanna.
But all this was of the ecstasy of the feeling I was going through. A tired body, a determined mind and the majestic view. Its simply transcendental. I would not have felt it if it were a normal walk in the park to get to a great scenic spot. The exertion was what made the climb exceptional and also the extra spice that we had in our trip, recklessness. This is what youth is. I felt that I was capable of immense power.....and the power was within me.

The trek down was interesting. We forgot the route down and we actually took the route that we actually avoided during the assent. Interesting. All the urge to shoot for photos just vapourised. I had more immediate concern- getting down the hill in one piece. Boy it was crazy. I am mad really. Builder was as foolish as I was, he actually at one point made mad dash down the slope. He almost lost control on the speed and a lone tree saved him as he grabbed it for dear life. Any serious injury here and its Good Bye Beautiful Life. We managed :). and I was panting and just lay down were Rats and Mallu were basking.

" Ok, 5min, and then we are to the Dam site",
this was the call given by me at those poor trek mates and they looked at me with tired but scornful eyes, as a cadet looks at a drill seargent. It was as if I was drugged with Steroids and I wanted to have a full go at whatever Avarrahalli had to offer. The drive to the dam actually commenced about 30 mins later, the time was 5:30 pm and it was close to the time for the Sun to set. This was a crucial blunder. This time should have been spent to look for the Camping site, in our minds we were having ourselves easy by camping on the property of the Motel. This is the time when whatever light the setting sun afforded, one should look out for the camp site and decide. Earlier in the morning we did have an alternate site in mind but the lure of easy food and tired bodies to look out for, we picked the easy way out. Easy way my friend is sometimes not the judiciuos way but then again there is no rule of thumb. We had to take a call, we took it, period.

The Dam site was actually restricted. Rats and Builder decided to stay back beside our bike and wanted to proceed with the camping. I was adamant to go for it. Mallu this time agreed to accompany. We sneeked passed an opening beside the gate leading to the dam. We walked talking all kinds of nonsense. But crucially we missed the Sunset. "Damn!". Anyways we had our photo-op around the Dam. The Dam was actually very small. The structure we looked down upon from the hillocks and my mountain looked impressive. On the structure itself, it was not very impressive. But then again, this is not Bhakra Nangal.
Finally, good sense prevails on me. We decide to head back as the darkness spreads around us. It became dark quite quickly with the setting sun. We ride back through the narrow road, which now seemed narrower. Mallu now had suggested one camping spot that we could now think about. But it was too damn dark. Myself and Mallu (always been the scout in the team) head in the darkness across the fields towards the bank. A dog comes out of nowhere and barks at us. Its a small dog of the old guy who was sleeping in the field. He helps us out giving directions and calming the dog. We didnt understand a word he uttered so we humoured him and went on.

But both of us were in awe of the loyalty the dog showed towards its master. We reach the bank and were dissappointed at the sticks that were jutting out of the ground- Seting up the Tent here was not possible. I realised the time we lost before the sunset and head back to the only option that seemed to lay ahead of us- To camp beside the motel. We thought, that we would be safe from animals and will be in less trouble. But we did not account for the menace that the most dangerous animal could pose- The Humans.

We pitched our tent and it was fun. I was shooting the entire process of setting up the tent.
The thing about these Wildcraft tents is that it is so very easy. Only thing is to choose the ground to lay the tent, let it be as even as possible. It was good that we had search lights (those rechargeable ones) otherwise we had a tricky task in the darkness. It was good that it was full moon day with the slight ambient light and of course the search lights.

This was the begining to the end. Our objective of trekking, bathing, and finally tenting for the night have been met (tick, tick and tick). Finally we had the camp fire with the wood given to us by the Motel Guy. The moon was by now rising over our head (forboding something sinister? ). We sat by the fire and started on the dinner. Of course the drinks made further rounds and I was happy with my pepsi. We remenisced the time we started the trip and the present moment discussing the confidence we had attained in making such a fun filled trip possible. Things started getting more and more silent. We were tired. I and Mallu lingered beside the fire while Rats and Builder coveted the choicest sleeping spot inside the tent. I loved the silent night beside the fire. Every thing was calm and it was an ideal place to look into one's self and think about who we are.

The time was 1:00 AM and I finally decided to head to the tent, so did Mallu. We went in and took the most undesirable portion of the tent, the sides. I was happy about myself and the trip we had, but now things would change about 45 mins later.

I was just about to sleep and the rest of the guys had already slept. A troupe of software company guys arrive at the motel with excited and happy voices eager to camp as well (my guess). One couple walk around some what close to our tent and were having those sweet fights that only couples can have. I was amused at the conversation about the lady telling her guy that he doesnt love her enough and the guy trying to say all the sweet words to make her feel loved. This went on and so made my sleeping in the tent impossible. I just lay there with happy guitar strumming and song making somewhere close to the tent in my ears.

The time is now 2:00 AM (12 Feb). A different gang of guys and with two girls arrive at the motel with loud merriment. They set up their fire close to our tent and thus began the most uncomfortable night of my life. I hear a voice of five to six men and the meek voices of two girls. One of the girls was from U.P and the other from Darjeeling. Needless to say that the two girls were prostitutes and the means of merriment for the gang of guys in this secluded and remote locale. In the begining there was only loud teasing and laughter at the girls and the software/BPO gang was still around. At 2:15 AM I stop hearing the software gang. This perhaps signaled the guys outside our camp to cut loose. One of them (claiming himself to be Munna Bhai- "Akkha Mumbai mein Raj Karta Hai" in jest) was flirting with the easy picking of the two girls. He was the only chap who knew hindi and amusing himself with the girls. He asks one of the girls whether he looks like Salman Khan and the girls oblige with seemingly innocent laughter. The rest of the gang knew nothing about hindi except the usage of filthy language. It was funny how these fellow made love talk to these already resigned girls with filth and whatever impediment hindi caused in expressing filth was compenesated with further rounds of Kannada. I dont understand Kannada too well and whatever little I knew gave my an impression of its sweetness. But what I got to hear with those fellows on a high had shattered the image I had and made me aware of the potential scope of darkness in Kannada.

The girls had resigned to fate about what was to happen with their bodies. They continued to sound descent throughout the night's episode. They obliged to sing in Hindi and in broken Kannada, the girl from U.P was more silent and the one from Darjeeling was the voice I heard more often, in my uncomfortable state of affairs in the tent. The Darjeeling girl says, in one of the conversation when being asked about her idea of marriage and whether she is married, that she had been married for about 7 years and she never got to live with her husband. But she sounded like a very young girl. I remembered Devchand during my stay in Indiranagar in Bangalore. He too was from Darjeeling and he once told me that marriages happen very early among his people, the Nepalis. So I presumed that this girl from Darjeeling must be aged at about 20 years.

With the freedom and the gaity in the gang in an assent through the night the guys started fondling the girls and the misuse of their bodies had begun. The girls with resigned voices endured whatever perversion the gang met on them all the while showing the humanity that still lingered in their minds. At one time one of the Dogs had come close to them perhaps for the bones, those munched and thrown by the gang. One of the guys who was handling one of the girl threw a stone and uttered some filth at the dog. The girl actually took pity at the dog and started complaining to the fellow who had her own body in his possession. It was simply poignant.

The guys offered some food to the girls and one of them refused for it consisted of meat. The girl from U.P was actually a Brahmin. This amused the chaps but it was only an amusement. They knew what they wanted and will have it.

All this happened beside our tent. I could hear every wail and even the silent resignation of the girls and also the misuse of their physical constitution. The girl from Darjeeling asked the "Salman Khan" what our tent was, and he said that there are four guys sleeping inside.. She actually complained that those fellows should not be very loud for it may disturb us. Salman of course had an explanation - "The guys in the tent are sleeping!". At 4:00 AM all of us were awake, builder asks about what on earth was happening outside. I shushed him. This time around the girl from U.P, after serving one of the guys asked him what our tent was. Two fellows came up with an answer. One of them said that its green house and the other- A Snake Pit. We inside the tent could not help laughing in silence.

I was getting incresingly pissed off with those fellows outside. After a while they stopped being loud. I wanted to take a leak and so I had to venture out- It was 4:45 in the morning and it was still dark. I got out and relieved myself. I turned and looked at them but the gang had gone into one of the motel rooms and I could here the Girls moan and the pervert laughter of the gang members. It strikes me and suddenly all the beauty of Avarahalli turn to filth right in front of my eyes. I spit and head into the tent, I decide not to wait for sleep but for the day break.

Day breaks and we head out of the tent to relieve our bowels. Those chaps were still there. This time we see them. There was no shame in their eyes about what they did, on the contrary we were ashamed when our eyes met with theirs. We see the girls as well and all my respect for them I felt the night before, vapourise. This is the contradiction in my thought that I failed to understand. I actually hated them as well. Its the same hate I felt for Avarahalli, inspite of the majestic beauty of this place, inspite of my knowledge about their strength of humaneness in their heart.

We reach Bangalore as bodies without any strength to comprehend or to judge what had happened the night before. I ride back to my house as a drained man with no sleep and I slept. I wake to a phone call from my Mom at 7:00 in the evening. I speak to her in a tired voice and she then asks me to go to sleep and reminded me wake up to have dinner. I get to wake up only the next day, 13 February, forgetting the dinner on 12th. Finally, realising that in actuality no contradiction is possible.

Learning to Fly

2006-02-08T05:47:00.000+03:00

Fresh Day and with an urge to live.
I look forward with eager eyes to give
All I have within me to know
How to be Stupid and Hungry
I am free
All I ever I want to be
Is to be free
So I can Learn
To Fly
Hover over, see more
See more to Life
Fly fast, tumble, role
Bask in the joy of what life
Can give, can take away
I let go
for I am learning to fly

A New Begining

2006-02-06T05:34:00.000+03:00

I have pondered long and deep as to what happenned to my impetuos urge to Blog. The hype that I have seen within me died down. So tragic as the case may be I have lost count of infinite nice things that have happened to me over the course since my last Blog and the this. Some of the most ground breaking changes in my perception towards things in general took place. It is futile to recreate them in my head and describe them for the very exercise is fraught with the danger of misrepresenting the facts as they actually are. But time moves forward and can move backward in our imagination. Simply put, is there a particular need to have journals or Web-Log a.k.a Blog? No there is not, it is only a matter of choice, the same matter of choice as having a photograph. Some how we humans want to stop time, though for an instant, arrest the epoch that is of some significance whatsoever and rerun it in our head and feel good/bad/or downright ugly.

Surya Namaskar

2005-05-27T12:52:00.000+03:00

'Surya-namaskar' or Sun Salutation, a Vedic ritual solemnized in the early morning, combines seven different postures. Surya or Sun, the life generator is invoked by this Yogic exercise - an easy way to keep fit.

Difficulty Level: Average Time Required: 10 minutes (Give and Take)

Here's How:

1. Stand facing the sun with both feet touching.

2. Bring the hands together, palm-to-palm, at the heart.

3. Inhale and raise the arms upward. Slowly bend backward, stretching arms above the
head.

4. Exhale slowly bending forward, touch the earth keeping the hands in line with the
feet, head touching knees.

5. Inhale and move the right leg back away from the body in a wide backward step. Keep
the hands and feet firmly on the ground, with the left foot between the hands. Raise
the head.

6. While exhaling, bring the left foot together with the right. Keep arms straight,
raise the hips and align the head with the arms, forming an upward arch.

7. Inhale and slowly lower the hips to the floor, (hips should be slightly raised above
the ground) and bend backward as much as possible.

8. Exhale and lower the body to the floor until the feet, knees, hands, chest, and
forehead are touching the ground.

9. Inhale and slowly raise the head and bend backward as much as possible, bending the
spine to the maximum.

10. While exhaling slowly and keeping the arms straight, raise the hips and align the
head with the arms, forming an upward arch.

11. Slowly inhale and bend the left leg at the knee taking a wide forward step. Keeping
the hands firmly rooted, place the left foot on the ground between the hands. Lift
the head upwards.

12. Exhale slowly and keeping hands firmly in place, bring both feet together to align
them with the hands. Touch the head to the knees, if possible.

13. Inhale slowly and raise the arms upward. Slowly bend backward, stretching the arms
above the head

14. Return to position #1.

Tips:
This yoga is performed at dawn. You need not look at the sun directly.
If not exercising on grassy ground, you may use a mat.
Wear simple, loose clothes. Take your time and breath deep.

Why focussed perception ?

2005-05-26T17:27:00.000+03:00

Musings asked me "Why focussed perception as the URL?"

I had considered writing boring, it was just that it never amused me. I was more keen to wander into the forest or pick up fights for no reason (won some, lost some, felt bad when I lost and felt bad when I won). Never respected anybody, fact is I still dont- Call me an Iconoclaust. Ya, I just hit the real core of my thinking. I DO NOT RESPECT ANYTHING-never did. I cannot stand when someone extols -- for that matter even the Mahatma. I used to bristle when the kid next door got the first rank and my mom goes "Seeee! He is a Goooood Boy and Youuuu?". Never respected my teachers baring from the recent exception - My Masters Thesis Guide. Well he suited my persona- He just let me free, just cut me lose into exploring a theoretical difficulty in its minutaea. Bang, I just hit my answer to the conundrum that was aching my head. I thrive when I am free. I am a sociopath when I am told to act, to behave and to comply.

Frankly, before begining the above paragraph, I did not know what to begin with to answer "Why focussed perception?". Then I thought, "Hey! Why did things happen to me as they did and why not try writing about it?". It was unclear to me, I did not believe that I knew my answer but writing just shoveled it out from all the noise thats within my cranium.

The issue that was aching my head-- Why was I so irritable when I was a kid?

The answer is-- Being a single kid with dotting mom curtailed my freedom and I am at my optimum best only when I am cut lose, needless to say the hard time my folks had. Its true, what to do ! :(

So, its a problem in Graph Theory of finding the shortest path from point A (The problem) to point B (The solution which is actually unknown), Phew! Whats the big deal! Perform a Dijkstra!. Ok, I apologize for being such a geek. The Mathematics of the problem is as yet undefined so I have to resort to something else--WRITING.

Lets, see the first para again. I try and put a valiant effort to highlight the symptoms of the problem. Bang, I got the question that was aching my head. So far so good. With this premise many more stuff came out as a consequence. A sequence was built in my head.

[ 3, 7, 37, 737, Whats the next number in the sequence? 37737, YEEEHAAAWWWWW :). I got the answer, No!, not a frivolous number, You #@!. ]

If you made sense from what I said, then you know what I mean-- I got the answer and it relieved me from my misery, it finally made sense.

Writing puts everything into perspective. Then all I have to do is to draw a conclusion. Its dissecting, separating out the obvious and throwing the unnecessary, piecing together a jig-saw and seeking my answer. This is my Focussed Perception. Writing is the microscope I use to look at my perceptions with clarity, with focus.

Sometimes, its us who make ourselves miserable. "Applause!"

:)

BBC Documentaries

2005-05-25T11:40:00.000+03:00

Simply a great example of pure objectivity making sense out of a subject. Be it War in Iraq or the effects of stress in our every day lives. I love watching them (from whatever time I can gather albeit serendipitous). The best part is that the narration does not take sides and seems totally at ease no matter the seriousness of the issue at hand. I am not a great authority on journalistic traditions nor I intend to be one, but it does not take a genius to understand the quality BBC brings in its work.

However unfortunate the circumstances leading up to the 24 hr strike, BBC got the story disspassionately from both sides of the camp. It becomes much more difficult to be professional given the fire is in your own camp. I do not understand the seriousness of laying of jobs at the BBC but I am worried if there can be a possible impact. But I am sure, though I do not have logical ground in believing but simple faith, BBC will hold its own and uphold its very high standards of Journalistic discourse.

BBC is different from their American counter part. BBC does not bend to political muscle and does not let emotions like patriotism get in its way -- Classic example the clinical examination of Blair's handling of the Iraq War and documentaries highlighting technological inadequacies of Red Caps (British Marines) in Iraq. This simply cannot be expected from the American news barons-- Their objectivity evaporates when their own creed is at fault and under the whim of Dubya and his friends.

In hindsight, I grew up believing that a feeling of Patriotism is sacrosanct. But its only lately that I have realised that its just an emotion. It should not be allowed to cloud our objectivity as all emotions have the propensity to do just that. When misinformation spreads and emotions run high sanity is lost, chaos reigns supreme. The only end to this potboiler is objective thinking. We have amongst us plenty of conspiracy theorists basking in their flawed metaphysics forseeing doom and destructions. There are many flavors, some talk of aliens, others apocalypse, and others assume a more sinister role of beguiling youths in the name of Jihad. We engage in our own revulsive worship of our respective egos taking pride and kicking objective reasoning to trash.

In our pride lies the greatest fall.

"He who meets the enemy in haste will perish like the locusts in a fire."
~Panchatantra~

Pride clouds our assessment of our enemy (personification of our objective)--classic cliche David vs Goliath. Its not that David was weak, No! He was strong but not in an obvious way- he had a powerful and accurate abilty to sling shot, which Goliath did not assess. Every challenge can be surmounted, it has nothing to do with a persons ability, only way he/she must figure out is "How?".

I am glad that BBC is around (I do not know much about CBS' reporting so I apologise for any disrespect ). Hope I can bring the same objectivity to my work.

Sergio Mora a.k.a "Latin Snake" vs Jesse Brinkley

2005-05-23T20:35:00.000+03:00

Jesse Brinkley
W 25, L 2, Draw 0, KO 17

Jesse is a loud and lovable country boy. He is the class clown - all about fun, all the time. He has an abundance of energy and a great sense of humor, even about himself. Jesse loves to have an audience laughing at his jokes.

He learned how to fight from Rocky movies and a heavy bag his stepfather hung in his garage. He soon developed a tough-guy reputation and quickly began knocking out all the kids in small-town Yerington. His amateur career was very brief, as he hated fighting with headgear, disliked the amateur point-scoring system, and just wanted the chance to knock guys out.

Jesse's dream is to fight DeLaHoya, but if that doesn't happen he would be just as happy living out in the desert, hunting, fishing, and drinking beer for the rest of his life. We'll see how this country boy fares in the big city.

Jesse lives with his long-term girlfriend, Coleen, and their two children, Steyr and Denaya.

Sergio Mora a.k.a "Latin Snake"
W 15, L 0, Draw 0, KO 3

Sergio Mora was born in a tiny apartment in East LA where he lived with his mother and three brothers until just a few weeks ago. At 24, he and his older brother have finally moved out... to the apartment downstairs. He is the first to admit that his family lives in the ghetto but bristles at being lumped into the East LA stereotype. Although he grew up without a father, his respect for his mother and the desire for a better life turned him to sports instead of gangs.

As a teenager, Sergio knocked out many of his friends just "goofing around" in the street. He started boxing at the age of fourteen and is currently undefeated as a Pro. When he isn't training, he works with kids at a neighborhood youth gym built to give boys and girls an alternative to gangs. Sergio trains at the same gym and the signage on the front bears his picture and nickname: "the Latin Snake." Sergio's dream is to make enough money boxing to allow his mother to quit her job working at a warehouse and send her traveling the world ... without his brothers.

----Source: http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Contender/boxers/

Frankly, my heart went out to both of them. They are warriors and they are friends. They goofed off, bonded and they did things they do best-- Box. Sergio won the fight but not the battle, it was Sergio's day. Jesse, a great guy, he laughs and fights and "Hey! No hard feelings.". It was Sergio's speed vs Jesse's hard punch. The contest was even, round going either way and it went till the end, no one knew how it went, it was a blade thin.

Coming to think of it, it went down to who wanted it more, and the "Snake" slithered at the million dollars. It was Sergio all along, given his humble and tough background. It was in the head that the fight was fought. Sergio got through (I wouldn't use the adjectives like "prevailing over the odds"). He had his speed working and man it was FAST.

Jesse, a great fighter, he almost had sergio on the mat. Jesse is a beautiful fighter, pure class. But he was sort of not his bubbling best. I can't say what played on his mind. Was it the cut he suffered in his previous fight with Bonsante? One will never know (was it that Sergio beat Ishe?). But something was there that did not let Jesse have the hunger for the Contender Champion belt. No sweat, Jesse is a great guy and really does not matter. I pray that he gets to fight Oscar DelaHoya and I know he will.

But to the winner goes the spoils. Sergio's got a go at Manfredo in Caesar's palace. Sergio's got speed and strategy, Manfredo's got power and Mental Strength (measured in tons). Sergio's a great guy, respects every body. Manfredo's got great heart. Its something I dont wanna miss.

I have great deal to learn about humility. Seeing these guys, though it happens to be a reality show-- a concept I detest, I realise there is so much to learn. What I like about contender is that, its really well done though I feel they can focus on the sport and tone down the Hollywood Ishtyle Drama.

Whats with.....

2005-05-22T17:00:00.000+03:00

With the upbringing in the beautiful IIT campus in Chennai I have been isolated from the people of various backgrounds resulting in intolerance over inequities within me and in others. But is it so bad that I am to change my persona to suit the general mass?

My first feeling towards others when I meet them for the first time is trust, a thought that they would not have anything ulterior towards me. Fine, but thing do turn out to be unsavoury when I discover that hey!-- thats not fare. I was fuming when a guy casually asked about Malani's Baggage handling into the Brake Van broached Rs. 300/- to be the sum to get the Baggage in. Fuming is an under-statement, I wanted to break into fist fights right that instant. Take the pleasure of knocking that scum out of the his earthly senses. Common Sense prevailed and nobody was hurt.

My first crush, the feeling that led me to believe that there is some sort of Divine Sanction to pursue my "love" at any cost. But things are totally different today with maturity over issues relating to the matters of the opposite sex. I have had my fingers burnt in the process when believing that I had the total mastery over the circumstances of my pursuit.

Is Heroic all that Black and White? I extol heroism and the personal values a person carries into the pursuit of an heroic act. But I realize that there is no set pattern a person should pursue in order to exceed him/herself. Core values however are important. Shedding pride not Ego, shedding emotions and being stoic, and believing that there is always a better way. However, the persona of a person can be varied -- he can be a clown and he can be morose.

I am not an ideal entity and to state an ideal itself is a limiting act. My pursuit, whether in joy and sorrow, is to exceed myself in every step of my existence. If I dont then I am sad.

Controlling over emotions is the main goal I want to achieve over the foreseeable course of time. Letting the situation take its own natural end is difficult without a vortex of emotions clouding my judgement. If I do then its some achievment, tough but worth it.

The Clone Wars

2005-05-21T16:44:00.000+03:00

Tartakovsky was hand-selected by George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. to create Star Wars: Clone Wars, a one-of-a-kind 20-episode "micro-series" that continues the saga where the live-action feature film Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones left off. His new cartoon creation -- the first-ever animated property involving the leading Star Wars characters -- will cover the beginning of the Clone Wars, an epic civil war that pits the old Republic against a vast Separatist movement led by the forces of evil.
In addition, Tartakovsky created the critically acclaimed animated series, "Samurai Jack," as his follow-up project to the massive success of "Dexter's Laboratory." "Samurai Jack" originated from his desire to create the best action-adventure cartoon ever. With "Samurai Jack," Tartakovsky created an animated action television show that is cinematic in scope and that incorporates action, humor and intricate artistry. A two-time juried Primetime Emmy Award winner for layout and production design, "Samurai Jack" is currently in production on a total of 52 episodes.

Named one of Variety's "50 To Watch" as a future leader in the entertainment industry, Genndy Tartakovsky served as creator/writer/director of "Dexter's Laboratory" and co-creator of "Dial M For Monkey" and "Justice Friends." "Dexter's Laboratory," Tartakovsky's first professional cartoon creation, has received four Emmy nominations and an Annie Award. Tartakovsky has been called "one of the industry's rising stars" by People and was tapped as one of the most creative people in entertainment when he was named to Entertainment Weekly's "It List" in 1999. A total of 78 episodes of Dexter's Laboratory have been completed.

Tartakovsky also served as a producer and director on Cartoon Network's Emmy-award winning series "The Powerpuff Girls" and as animation director for The Powerpuff Girls: The Movie.

Tartakovsky was born and raised in Moscow, Russia, until his family moved to Chicago when he was seven years of age. After high school, Tartakovsky studied film at Chicago's Columbia College before moving to Los Angeles to study animation at Cal Arts. At Cal Arts he wrote, directed, produced and animated two student films. One of his student films, which was selected for the Cal Arts Producers Show, was the basis for "Dexter's Laboratory."

Legends Live On

2005-05-20T21:25:00.000+03:00

Whether Troy was a Myth or otherwise is immaterial, what matters is that in the Story of Iliad we need not be reminded of its veracity, we know that its true. The Passion the story evokes is a fact and remains indisputable. Myths take us away to possibilities that we may never realise in our average existence. To quote George Lucas "To Succeed we must imagine that we will succeed". But yet the essence of imagination remains enmeshed within psychological mumbo-jumbo that we dont necessarily think about it, and even if we do we give up.

The Simple awe Heroic stories evoke within us motivates, just for an instant, and makes our lives nourished with happiness though for an instant. This nourishment is by far the corner stone of every successful civilization. Take for instance the Chinese puzzles. These contraptions have been developed in the heydays of Chinese Civilizations to develop the intellectual faculty of children. The nourishment the kids had is of the highest order. The Mathematical Study of Topology, relevant even in Quantum Mechanics, has ideas born out of the famous dissection puzzle- The Tangram. Heroics of Arial Sharon in the Yomkippur war galvanised his men to fight audaciously to win over an impossible battle against the Egyptians. The practicality of the situation dictated retreat but Ari had already imagined the impossible- "Victory!"

The very act of heroic is perhaps the only possible act of immortality others than sex. No amount of tapasya invoking the Trinity will get you where an act of Heroic would. Physicists cannot say that the knowledge we have on the forces of nature is complete, Quantum Mechanical phenomenons continue to defy the famed "Common Sense". No amount of persuasion would have me convinced of the contrary.

With dimensions infinite and possibilities immense, I look at the sky and say "Oh! Its a beautiful Night."

I live for what I think I want from life

2005-05-19T21:03:00.000+03:00

Perhaps, I am being a biggest fool throwing away an oppurtunity of a lifetime to be in "Stanford". Well, so be it. I dont believe that life has a boundary condition within which the duty of a sane individual is to have a reason to live within a predictable pattern for the sake of happiness. Why? I dont want it. I dont want life to be defined in that manner for my sake. If I intend to study the Geo-Political evolution of civilization post Alexander's death then I feel no compunction in doing that....same goes to understanding quantum mechanical formulation behind the Helical Structure of genes. I wont answer anybody and the reason for my passions are my own. The behavior of human changes depending upon the social circumstance of the subject. I have experienced that over the course of a week.

When I met the would be Stanford Grads at the Isphani Centre (Chennai) I was struck at how I was inadvertantly conforming myself to the nameless mass of Automatons making no sense. I have a speactacular job in Bangalore and I am Gung-Ho about it but the feeling turned out weak for an admit from Stan shook totally away from what I actually want to pursue in life. Meeting those kids really got back to where I am now- Go to Bangalore and design systems and understand the philosophy of creative discipline.

I agree that there are people who would kill to get into Stan but when I am really able to see through the futility of living a life of no purpose I must stick by what I think is correct for me- right or wrong is immaterial. The choice is mine and this is what I want to do at this juncture- not go to Stan. My best wishes are with those kids I met.

When I told about my Stan admit, Babaji and Musing's face lit up. Babaji was like a really committed sports psychologist boosting my mental toughness. Musing was like a desparate fan backing his favorit boxer to win the WBA title. But that is not what I want. Too bad for those chaps and I believe they would make last ditch effort to convince me otherwise. Too bad, they wouldn't even know why I am doing this. Well, beyond a point friends should remain where they are ... outside the world where I live with myself.