“You are lying!!” -How convenient !

Fact- One can be hauled up quite simply. It does not matter if your credential is among the nameless professionals who go about their lives paying taxes, not disturbing peace, adjusting to the footpath-less streets, potholed roads and perennially choked traffic and bad vibes at work. One waits for the weekend to drain the toxicity to start anew awaiting the fresh batch come Monday morning. However one has to make sure that their capacity to tolerate far exceeds the norm. One has to master in bending backwards, playing supine or bending over for whatever. However, sometimes the capacity can get breached where the whole of it can inundate ones presence and at such times something emerges in the self that won’t take shit.

The day started in a fairly normal manner- exercises and bath and with getting the kid ready to his daycare. My wife leaves earlier making her contribution of preparing a wholesome breakfast for her husband and her son. I give him his bath and drop him at his daycare close by here at Kasturi Nagar. I come back do the rest of the chores of getting the kids cloths to dry. After that get into my formals with laptop bag by the side and proceed to walk to the bus stop. I usually drive to office but with the horrible traffic at Nagwara junction during the peak hour getting a little out of hand I off late contemplated availing the public transportation service offered by the Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation. 

As I walked to the bus stop a bus with route no. 500A/34 moved into to halt. This was a bus with two bodies attached into junction describing as such because of the lack of technical word for this contraption, vestibule seems to be word but I am not quite sure. I get in through the door of the first body with a ticket Inspector lady named B.S Yashodha  (pertinent initials coming to think of it now as I write) who was standing at the entrance. I proceed to get my ticket from the Bus conductor and see him behind another Ticket Inspector (TI) in the rear body of the vestibule. I ask him and in a quite offhand manner my request gets dismissed. On persisting he directs me to the TI and on so doing this gentleman charges at me as to where I boarded the bus and “Kasturi Nagar” comes the retort. He directs me to speak to the lady TI and proceed to do the same and present the same case to her. Shaken at the response – “You are lying, don’t lie”, case dismissed. They then demand a fine and I surprise myself – “I am not paying the fine” and force myself to the door of the front body of the vestibule. They obviously manhandle me but they simply were dragged as I forced myself to the door anyhow. Some how quite simply a better sense prevailed- I am not de-boarding the bus and I am not paying the fine do what you can. The left ward off came in handy as I held the male TI at bay. The tempers cooled at there end as well as they now contemplated of proceeding to the police station. I complied getting into the taxi hailed by them. Hennur police station was close by and in my head I was wondering – “Ladies and Gentleman presenting to you a hollow Bangalore”, and things looked up. The station was clean with the submission of statements of both the parties.

All protest songs were playing live in my head and a particular Pink Floyd bass riff from “Another Brick in the wall”. A lady Inspector intervenes and proceeds to take me aside with another gentleman in tow to “resolve” it. She suggests that I don’t argue with them as they will charge me with obstruction of Government personnel and an added harassment of warming a jail cell and present myself in front of magistrate before I am even heard. Better to pay the fine and police record the grievance (not addressed) between myself and the TIs.

Makes sense, given the emasculated life a normal individual is made to feel living with no credible balls to cause any damage. I take the deal and when the Chelan is issued to me I proceed to scribble

“Made to sign under duress

                 - sign Kaustav Guha”

With the TIs scratching there heads. The lady TI protests that this is a government document you only sign, and “Ooh” a fart to relieve my bowel. I record their names Yashodha B.S and Kench Gowda and also the name of the inspector Prasheela B.S.

I get back home and ironically get into my car and drive to work, a cheap attempt of feeling the control back but it worked. Handling chaos on the road is better recipe of palliating a wounded pride of a very common man. I get to my haloed cubicle and work on my complaint at http://www/mybmtc.com

Following was the first attempt at filing a complaint and airing the grievance at the BMTC site.

"To

 Whoever can address the grievance?

I stay in Kasturi Nagar and I wanted to avail the BMTC services to go to Manyatha Tech Park where I work. I got into the bus in front of the Ticket Inspector lady named Yashodha B.S and went into bus looking for the Bus conductor to get my ticket. The Bus conductor (I dont know the name) and another Ticket Inspector named Kenche Gowda were standing and I asked for the ticket, the conductor refused to issue me one and asked me to speak to the Ticket inspector. I did and he refused me and asked me where I boarded the bus, I said Kasturi Nagar, and he directed me to speak to the lady Ticket Inspector. I moved away from them to meet the lady ticket inspector and I asked for the ticket to be issued. She flately refused and denied me boarding the bus at Kasturi Nagar and charged that I was lying. The other inspector then started to shove and push me and demand that I pay the fine. I flately refused and they threatened to take me to the police station. I said so be it and I was very angry at the way the situation deteriorated and moved towards the door and I was man-handeled as they prevented from doing that. I did raise my voice in protest and this is only natural. Myself and the inspectors deboard the bus at Hennur and proceeded to the police station. At the police station I maintained my innocence and the inspector madam Prasheela B.S intervened and advised me to pay the fine and raise a complaint to the BMTC office and I am doing precisely that. I was issued a chalan and while acknowledging I signed and also stated that "I am sigining under duress". I paid the fine and vowed that I will follow up this matter to the highest authority including media and social media to highlight the uncouth behavior normal citizens living in Bangalore are subjected to and do so in the strongest possible manner. I will not rest until BMTC issues me an apology and compensate me for the hardship endured in a commensurate manner.

Date of the harassment 16-09-2013

Route No. : 500A/34

Bus No. : FA2497 (as recorded in challan)

Chelan No. : 174324

Issuing authority: BMTC, TR-34

Ticket Inpsectors: Yashodha B.S, Kenche Gowda

Kaustav"

Little did I know that one could only express ones’ self in 500 “characters”. Quite deflated I attempt and “Only 500 characters” later

“Had boarded the bus at Kasturi Nagar along with Ticket Inspector lady named Yashodha and another Ticket Inspector named Kenchegowda. I asked for ticket to travel to Manyatha but refused by conductor. Wrongfully charged for ticketless travel. Manhandled. Challan collected with Hennur Police Station records as witness. Date of the harassment 16-09-2013,Route No. : 500A/34,Bus No. : FA2497 (as recorded in challan),Challan No. : 174324,Issuing authority:BMTC,TR-34”

An erectile dysfunction.

In the end it now feels good no one is hurt just some wounded pride helped by ample story telling at lunch, bitching the system, bitching Bangalore. “Ooh” another one, the food is digesting.

An SMS

"Dear Kaustav Guha Your feedback has been registered and the feedback id is 3431- BMTC team"

Matted Locks of Shiva

A usual morning and yet another practice of TaiChi opened the self to an imagery of the matted locks of Shiva twirling to channel the raw might of the Ganges into a gentler river as we know it. The image is yet another motif behind Indian calendar art and some spontaneous story telling of elders when I was growing up. But till date I never recalled it nor paid much thought to it. Until today, a simple day going through the regular warm ups and into the forms. The body was the matted locks of Shiva and the formless intensity Ganga. The TaiChi form came to an end, body soothes the intensity into the mundane.

The intensity within is obscured by the body. It sustains all movement in the body and yet it is not recognized. It can only be intuited. We observe a dead leaf moving about and intuit breeze correctly. The dead leaf would be the body and the breeze the intensity. When a right balance struck between the intensity and the modulation of that into action by the body we have harmony. Ganga would represent our intensity and without the right disposition of the body there will not be harmony.

But what is the body to do in front of that raw intensity. It just has to reflect and tell her who she is. It is no coincidence that Qi is Yin and Shakti is feminine. In essence the body does not have to do anything. It just has to represent the intensity and add to the ballast to make her look good. Dancing with it, tempering it but always being aware of its place. However without sturdily standing Shiva, what are matted locks to Ganga? Shiva would represent our intent of staying and witnessing our intensity transform into movement.

A Practice to Reality

The relationship between a master and a disciple is serendipitous according the limitation of the mind. What draws a student to his master has stories steeped in myth and reality both conjuring up myriad visions of infinite possibilities. Possibilities we yearn given how life can reduce itself to a drivel. Ever the thirst for new experiences may drive the economic realities of our world but such a world is bereft of any solace or succor for the injured, scared and those suffering. A master appears with the student as the witness. The master points, the student chances upon a vision that changes all.

The mind projects different realities of this vision, dropping on and picking another. It tries to hold it but alas the hold burns. It tries to hold but it its painful its too cold. The student continues to look with only an intuition. That vision that arresting vision. The vision that halts the machinations of the mind. The student steadfast practices the practice. To begin with the mind joins in the bonhomie of the vision. Seconds every call for practice but then with time it starts doubting. Questions the intent, strikes the very heart of the being. Seduces, entices, stirres things up lest that it looses sway, lest that it is reduced to a secondary role. What if the throne is usurped. Initially the mind resorts to projections, of pleasure then fear but to no avail to the steadfast. But when that falls short it strikes from behind apparently speaking for the self. The very self so thinks the Student. Confused, the intuition is called into question. The long standing hatred of the mind to things "not understood" finally has its revenge.

The student struggles from the aftermath. A faith gone a bit awry. The master or a charlatan. The doubt is now a womb of resentment. "I can do better" so are the thoughts that crosses the mind. The mind revels in the intoxication of victory. "I am good at this, I am now a master. I deserve a following. I should have a school, a temple of the God - Me,..." and the tyranny holds sway. The student struggles and plods on however. The machination hasn't put a stop, the practice continues. The mind sees the grip loosen it doesn't understand. A victory or a premature jubiliation? The fort has been compromised.

 "What is this? This shouldn't be allowed, Treason!". The mind runs out of plots to corner, the student sees light. The light, the vision that had the drama unfold, the student thus realizes. The master was not the charlatan. The master had but no choice but to share, the student too never had the choice but to witness. The master and the student merge, the projections of the mind are cut and the Id uprooted. The practice remains with no practitioner. The practice that is true that which is so. Simply without an enamor. The stench is now replaced by the perfume of being- a quite mind.

Math Alert - Gods must be crazy

One can consider me an engineer by the virtue of my education and I understand phenomenon as undulating lines on a Cartesian plane. The properties of such lines were understood in terms of the laws of Calculus. As I advanced in my studies there was a topic called the Laplace transforms where function’s expression was viewed from a different perspective albeit simpler and lot more algebra like. In the great traditions of rote learning I rammed the methods of such transformation in my head always quashing any niggling conviction – "It is not clear". You see an engineer needs only a little understanding. All he needs are rules that make sure that his designs do not explode into a big problem. After many years an ordinary mind working into the mysteries asking a question-“What is underneath all this?” finally fathoms it and laughs.

Coming to the calculus question, Laplace transform leverages a particular function- number e raised to the variable say x. e is a special number, muse of a poet. e^x is a self similar function- the differential of e^x with respect to the variable x yields e^x. 

                          d   e^x = e^x

                          dx

This innocuous looking statement refers to an indestructible entity in the sense that it cannot be deconstructed in terms of anything else but itself. God like isn't it? But what is this magical number ‘e’ mathematically? The only way the above function is true is if

                               

                e^x = 1 + x + x² + x³ + …to infinity

                                  2!    3!

And therefore e is

                 e =  1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + …to infinity

                                   2!    3!

That roughly adds up 2.718…not quite 3 though but essentially an irrational number. Why is it irrational? You cannot describe it in terms of something being some part of something else. This number holds its own ground; do whatever you might damn well please. That’s quite irrational, e will not budge no matter how much you try and try to make it budge. It doesn’t belong to anybody. It doesn’t even belong to the physical realm because the numbers of decimal places will simply extend to infinity. This number just chooses to make its presence felt because some fool wanted to understand what phenomenon on a Cartesian plane is.

The significance of this number would be clear when one realizes that every control system on earth owes its existence to e. Every building owes it existence to e. Every man made creation owes knowingly or unknowingly to e. This is a very important number in our civilization because this is the basis of the entire Trigonometry, already mentioned Calculus, and therefore the whole of engineering. No wonder only because of the unshakeable strength within it were Mathematicians able to unfurl their wings. All this thanks to the infinite irrationality in e. Not only e, we owe our understanding about our world to many other irrational numbers. In short if I dare say we owe our rational understanding about anything to irrationality of existence.

Thanks to Gods infinite irrationality that we can enjoy some of our rational lives.

For a more sound reference
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E_%28mathematical_constant%29

Freedom

Freedom is in the moment

Not in the past nor in the future
Past and future are the realm of the Ego
Freedom is its own realm

Realization

Creation is never a personal phenomenon it is always spontaneous. Creation is always from the nuomenon where the consciousness is not conscious of itself. The words have meaning only to the reader and even when the reading happens the words are manifest in the consciousness and disappear serving its intended purpose cognizable as a phenomenon. The background or the screen in which all this happens is the being which unequivocally states “I AM”. The being drives the chemistry to propel it to be healthy and at the same time the chemistry determines the being. Cognition is taking place on the grounds of consciousness feeding out of all the memories and bodily perception. Memories not only consist of verbal ones but non verbal also. Ego arises when the being identifies ownership to phenomenon of cognition the very phenomenon altering the body chemistry of the process. The identification of ownership is really a fallacy as the totality of cognition is not fully understood by the being. Any cognition is a spontaneous phenomenon and when it is not identified as such? The very symptom of the manifestation of the Ego self. This is the result of the phenomenon wherein the consciousness is conscious of itself.

Realization is the understanding within the consciousness about the fallacy of identification of “I AM” with all the cognition that is arising in consciousness. That the Ego self is really a concept cognizable in consciousness. The understanding that the very “I AM” is really a phenomenon that starts when the brain enters the waking state from deep sleep state. This realization has a ripple effect on the nature of cognition that is taking place in consciousness. The cognition starts becoming unfettered complete even though the cognition is only about watering the plants. Thinking as a result starts getting more clearer. The question of purpose doesn’t arise, benefits become meaningless because there is no experience-r in the cognition. You call them selfless. True there is no self in the normal sense of the world. Is being selfless a phenomenon, it is not, there are only phenomenon of cognition taking place with no sense of self. Does the identification with the name seize? Identification is only a phenomenon and this too takes place with no sense of self, so who identifies whom? Realization is only an understanding and not a cognitive phenomenon, the understanding is in the totality of the entire cognitive process those that are manifest and those that are not.

The body mind with realization becomes the screen on which the whole of the consciousness plays unfettered. The body mind becomes the stage however the stage doesn’t make any claim on the play whatsoever. This is something that cannot be fathomed by concepts because it in itself is not a phenomenon. This is a state of total surrender to the consciousness and what remains is only total fidelity to this consciousness which in advaita traditions is referred to as Bhakti.

Mind

Mind is a great tool in answering questions about any phenomenon in the world. If you want to understand the gravity there are Newton’s laws, want to understand universe the big bang theory, want to understand matter you have the Quantum theory. The conceptual machinery that the mind creates is based on duality- subject and the object, the observed and the observer. This breaking down or division helps in describing our day to day activities and remaining at peace however whenever the mind tries to understand itself this strategy collapses. How do you create a division between self and itself? The mind goes into a tailspin, it stutters to find the zillion conceptual contraptions to figure itself out however a doubt looms- either you are shaken in that insecurity of an awkward non-knowing and get back to the security of mundane life or are resilient enough to probe further. The mind rests in one concept today, discarding it and rests on something else tomorrow.

In the pockets of certainty that one has in the journey there is also a danger that the surety the mind ends up having over concepts palliates it and provides it with sense of security and temporal peace. This security fills one with a sense of gratitude and a pleasurable wondrous experience. Man becomes God. The concepts become dearer and dearer. So dear are the concepts that one develops an insecurity lest that the concepts be taken away. Man writes it down, archives tomes and tomes of eulogies about awe inspiring concepts, collect taxes to build temples to house those scriptures, fight wars to fend of raiders and infidels, Man consumes the whole world. Man gets into a state of insecurity that he wanted to avoid by chasing a tail that he shouldn’t have been chasing.

The mind, great tool but not good enough to conceptualize about itself with the premise of duality. When it comes to the self there is no duality. Observer is the observed, subject is the object, and there is no know-er and the unknown. This has to be obvious if one is dealing with the self. But how does one discard the tool that has seemingly served one so well. Man is so attached with the mind. Man has identified with the mind so intimately; whatever the mind thinks man owns it without question. Man is in love with his most beloved tool- the mind, and all the conceptual contraptions. It is love, the identification of the self with the mind that “I AM”. This is the pinch that holds the self with the world. Is it? Would there be a world if that “I AM” dissolves, would “I AM” be when the world is naught? Would there be light without the Sun and Sun without the light? Isn’t the answer obvious?